Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
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Top comments
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
That man is boss!
monkeysareyummy 0
New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?
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Comments (312)
tennisrapper1 14
"sexy"
miZscrZee 0
Lol
PaulB123 11
Does he take his phone to the bathroom often...?
SamCat 21
if that was my husband, i would totally be turned on ;)
saxplayer9291 3
Does that mean his dick is small enough to push the buttons? damn
BIGmoney107 0
A man with skills!
WCARlover 35
The FML part should be that he was erect without you being around lol
Hollandiscrazy 12
Why is that a FML?
DexasurasRex 0
Ma'am. I'd like you to have a seat there.. Id like to tell you to wake the **** up -- as a man, I get boners whenever and for whatever the **** I want. Whatever gets me off, gets me off.
jmalaer 5
You can tell she's about 16, give her a break. It's fascinating what young girls think about penises, it's like it's a magical creature to them. It even explains how we can text with them..
bebohacker1 4
Almost anything can bring on an erection. "i open up the window and a breeze rolled in - **** in my pants"
rugger32 7
Haha seriously? A magical creature? Grow up. No 16 year old girl's mind works like that, so next time you defend someone try not to insult them more.
ty1992_farmlife 12
We can let #43 slide on this one, she was jus exppressing her opinion and making it alittle funny lol
SugarBabyAngel 5
Time to put that penis to good use!
blackstar994 5
Is it a touch screan phone?
SuperBritty23 7
*screen. It's called spellcheck.
Wolvy_fml 3
At least it's useful for something
2ndSucks 15
I could think of a few things other than texting that a penis is useful for... But maybe that's just me.