Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML
Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML
Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a private dealer my parents had recommended. On my way home they called to tell me that their car broke down. They bought it last week from the same guy. FML
Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML
Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML
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Top comments
adotstud 0
how many miles you have makes a difference in my book. No one likes a loose goose.
Anaxes 5
Dear dumbass, I am writing this letter in complaint of you being literally retarded. I wish to inform you I will not accept you sucking on the BehindTheSun's parenthesis, **** you. One day, a man invented the search engine, so that people could type "Define OP" and learn, as opposed to writing in every comment section on the east side of the Milky Way. You are probably going to whine about your shitty iPhone and tell me it can't do that, like everyone with an iPhone has taken to do when told about how they do everything wrong. In response, I'd like to tell you that if you get a PC, you could experience the new way of typing: Tactile response, because you can FEEL the keys. Please learn to not be such a retard in the future. By the way, why are you sucking on cartoon crocodile eyes and when did BehindTheSun's mom buy them? Kind Regards, Xivilai Anaxes.
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Comments (149)
hey123hey123 0
What's sex? O_O
Color_my_rainbow 0
lololol...aww thats sweet<3
izaba 0
well. you are used by previous owners
Shookitup 0
hahaha @10 XD she's probably worn and used out.
ImJustNotBlack 0
White people have magical powers
justsayfuck 5
#1, not for long :)
MiguelDidWhat 0
there's no oil leaks? ;)
yamu 7
How very romantic.
klumzy0123456789 6
hahahahaha
ravensunnyd 0
it be funnyer if your parents agreed with him
hnz 13
lol! he has a good sense of humour
Specterk50 0
and don't forget giving it a lube job and taking it out for a test drive
thefallenoo 0
run his ass over and compare him to a speed bump
knight0748 5
oh did he also did the test of trying to fit as many guys as he could into the car??
oakleyguy 0
lol just like you are Shookitup
AeolusMDD 0
haha 10 = Win!
RTRbryant 0
has he given it a test ride at least
nmsm 1
#10 and your husband win
PLAYSTATION33333 0
we tlkd abt dat in spanish class
jameses19 0
#110 looks like you need to take English classes!
adrii09 0
LOL at 73 and 78!!!!!!!
ChelseaXD 0
lol 10! and agreed 111!!
beastmcbeastly 0
**** COMMENT MODERATED
OhaiChristina 0
77. hahah. :D
YANKSFAN4EVER 0
Lol that's really funny
strawberryspacejam 11
U are 16 you idiot
PotatoesAndCake 26
Aw, honey. If you don't know what sex is, you shouldn't be here
adotstud 0
how many miles you have makes a difference in my book. No one likes a loose goose.
whattagirl 0
lmfaoo nice :P
OochenSnoochen 15
you can always clock her down
stephan18 23
F*****g win!
xStiina 0
WTF?
diego47ak 0
I agree with 16
validus 0
16 win :3
the_pan1c 5
i agree with 16 as well
whymeok 0
what does OP mean?
Shookitup 0
old penis -,-
psuboy 0
orange pussy
Hummbinger 5
organic potatoes
Lucidium 0
Original Poster.
Shookitup 0
29 - Old Penis.
6sick6 4
OMG Pizza!!
dark49 0
wow that helps -.-
MrFerret 0
obscene priest
Shookitup 0
Organic Pastrami.
kile88 2
orifice pretzel
tpike1296 11
online pussyface
remy3106 10
29 was right it's Original Poster
bubbarific 0
oily parrots!
xtfauthorx 0
oh poopy!
skatingalyy 0
optimus prime :)
amayalives4music 1
Obvious Poser.
43trauts 14
The person writing this FML
43trauts 14
Original Poster
niebauer 9
Orgasming parrots
georggx 3
wow.
JimmySullivan 0
Wow ;)
Vampyro94 0
did he change your oil?
WeScReamSoLOud 0
..just damn hahaha..u have to admit, it was funny.if ur loose..ouch..if ur tight YAY. fyl
Kanvis78 0
did he kick the tires and honk the horn too? maybe some tune in tokyo on the radio? :) check the spare tire around your waist?
soxpatsfan17 0
at least u can repair loose parts in a used car
whymeok 0
-.-,|, to all who won't tell me what OP is (.Y.)<--- theyve been in my mouth fyi there you mums
BehindTheSun 2
Oh no! You've been sucking on my mom's parentheses? You dirty bastard!
VivianTheAspie 0
OP- Original Poster. You could have looked it up.
6sick6 4
original prankster :/
Anaxes 5
Dear dumbass, I am writing this letter in complaint of you being literally retarded. I wish to inform you I will not accept you sucking on the BehindTheSun's parenthesis, **** you. One day, a man invented the search engine, so that people could type "Define OP" and learn, as opposed to writing in every comment section on the east side of the Milky Way. You are probably going to whine about your shitty iPhone and tell me it can't do that, like everyone with an iPhone has taken to do when told about how they do everything wrong. In response, I'd like to tell you that if you get a PC, you could experience the new way of typing: Tactile response, because you can FEEL the keys. Please learn to not be such a retard in the future. By the way, why are you sucking on cartoon crocodile eyes and when did BehindTheSun's mom buy them? Kind Regards, Xivilai Anaxes.
Anaxes 5
Oh, by the way, I should correct this for you: "-.-,|, To all who won't tell me what OP is because I'm a lazy shit, I want to impart this knowledge about my personal life: B====D~~~~~~ This long object was in my mouth today, it was my brother's, it was great, too bad mine isn't long, it's wider than it is long, so that makes me special."
hackymeal 0
anaxes you WIN!!!
BehindTheSun 2
Anaxes, that was ridiculously amazing. I pledge my allegiance to thee, good sir.
whymeok 0
i have an ipod touch and im lazy so suk me dry
Anaxes 5
I'm just going to quote: "You are probably going to whine about your shitty iPhone and tell me it can't do that, like everyone with an iPhone has taken to do when told about how they do everything wrong." I am a prophet! You're going to whine that iPods are not iPhones. They're the same shitty Apple products that people over hype to an extreme. Now, to this "suk" me dry argument. You are asking me, Xivilai Anaxes, a male humanoid to suck you "dry". You have proven my earlier notation of liking men correct. Also you have proved my point on retardation, for you see, sucking cannot make an area dry, for sucking deposits saliva on the area. Having a piece of shit Apple product does not excuse being lazy, it only points that you have an inferior product compared to my PC.
Anaxes 5
If aliens were to come down to Earth and converse with a random human, I hope that they don't pick you, you're an embarrassment to the human race and would make us look bad in front of the aliens.
BabesLoveLS1s 0
dude calm down. nobody really cares.
Anaxes 5
Calm down? I am Xivilai Anaxes, Lord of Bitterness and Hate. I will not calm down!
Shookitup 0
you look like a dark wizard -_-
fmlsxmakexmyxday 0
anaxes you remind me of my cousin!!! :)
Troll_Hater 0
dude shut the hell up. fag
Norwegian_Wood 4
Whymeok- Stop being so damn lazy. I'm on my iPhone, and if need be, I will still go look something up. Honestly, it takes a whole minute. It is probably faster than waiting for a legit response. anaxes- You win. :D That was awesome.
neonveins 0
anaxes - amen brother, amen.
revanche 2
You are a god please teach me your retard trolling ways.
dydee 0
Anaxes if I could 'like' your post, I would. sometimes I read these retards making "smart" remarks and it makes me wish they'd get nominated for a Darwin award.
anilaa 0
Anexes, that was hilarious:D
Kawaiichan42 3
Anaxes, that was amazing. You're my new favorite poster :)
sammehsaurus 0
Anaxes.. you sir have made my day :) I kind of wish I could hug you. is that weird?:/