Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML
Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML
Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML
Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
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Top comments
PMAN6x7 22
I bet she's voting Trump for that wall
El_Boxeador 14
I didn't know we did that. I should embrace my heritage and I guess I'll start by sacrificing that Swaggart dude!
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Comments (60)
jadalaheart 23
Well obviously I need to change my religious beliefs, I wonder if they have a specific type to sacrifice
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Round, brown and prone to drown.
pyronexus 12
Yup. I sacrifice 2 or 3 every year since I'm Mexican
buckdharma 38
I know this Mexican who sacrificed his 67 Chevy Impala for $800.
leogachi 15
@27 He's a monster.
GreekGleek6 22
That dude better hide, Dean is coming for him.
MariaGiovanni 25
Tell her to stop watching Aztec Sacrifice documentaries on Netflix. Or better yet go along with it. Tell her be nice or Quetzalcoatl will come for her.
derpyshy 16
As an Irish Catholic, my people need to step up our game and bring back the Wicker Man apparently.
Arot6 17
I think I know what she may be talking about. Now, it's been a few years since I've read about this, so some details might be off. The more fanatical Catholics in Brazil(?) go on a parade each year. Many of them whip their own backs with homemade cat-o-nine-tails. I never really understood self-flagellation, but whatever. And then usually one of them volunteers to be crucified, and it's some big honor to die in this fashion. So it's not really a sacrifice, but it is a ritualistic death. Of course, your grandmother might have been referring to something else or something nonexistent, but it definitely sounds like this weird tradition in particular.
bruh21 18
Dont worry my grandma is completely brainwashed in the topic. Or everything for that matter. All she does is watch the news, make ignorant remarks.
GreekGleek6 22
Shhhhiiiiiitttttttt!!!!!!!!! My grandma watches the show run but Swaggart's wife, and believes everything she says. And yes, she wants to vote Trump. I live with my grandma. Please, kill me now. FML.
ragnarok1540 39
Don't you know that your grandmother is right. Every year they sacrifice a young woman named Catrina and dress her skeleton up for display during the Day of the Dead ...
Mathalamus 25
Wrong religion. Also, about 500 years too late.