Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
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Top comments
aperron96 18
I think it's time to move out, or kick her out. I know she's your mom but that's just psychotic
paperroll880 16
Sounds like you're the mother in this relationship.
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Comments (53)
aperron96 18
I think it's time to move out, or kick her out. I know she's your mom but that's just psychotic
Livin_Like_Larry 29
I'm pretty sure OP is just a responsible child living with their mom, therefore they can't really kick their parent out... But then again I may have totally misunderstood it :)
vikky538 29
Who knows OPs mother is her roommate
paperroll880 16
Sounds like you're the mother in this relationship.
oiler 21
True, But I do feel bad for the mom as this happened to her before OP said. Still she shouldnt act like this
Grinchley 1
This FML is chosen but not mine? Lol.
KatieJBabe 27
Judging by your comment, your FML was probably shit.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Maybe you should seek out anger management counseling for your mother. Of course she won't want to do it, but if she's acting that violently, she needs to be taken care of before she does something drastic
Iwannarock1 19
Why are you still living with your Mom?
KatieJBabe 27
OP might not be old enough to move out or can't afford it.
SixthSinEnvy 39
Why? Are you offering her a better situation?
Mauskau 36
You don't know how old OP is.
tayfray7 10
Maybe it's time for someone to get help with their mental stability. Not cool, ma!
beeferjay 34
thug life
leogachi 15
@7 Mom didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose mom.
dahoss99 30
Maybe your mother should cut ties with him. Get it? Nobody? OK.
iwanttogotoparis 26
Well you're an excellent daughter/son to her and more then she deserves
Tripartita 45
I know your heart was in the right place, OP, but you're really only arming the monsters that live under your bed.