Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML
Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML
Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML
Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML
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Top comments
mariekitty 21
Google it. There's actually a video of a dog giving the heimlick manoeuvre
bakry 19
Well they sorta can, it's called humping
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Comments (13)
bakry 19
Well they sorta can, it's called humping
mariekitty 21
Google it. There's actually a video of a dog giving the heimlick manoeuvre
mariekitty 21
Google it. There's actually a video of a dog giving the heimlick manoeuvre
Tripartita 45
Then you'll have to get her whacked before she can change her will. Just make sure there aren't any dogs around to save her f—oh, right, you're a nonbeliever.
RichardPencil 32
If there's lots of money involved, believe anything the crazy lady says.
Cali 57
I know it's terrible but I was thinking the same thing...
jbuckets_404 39
RichardP, DAMN RIGHT!!!
Cynical_1 26
I've learned never to argue with old people. Just smile, nod and say "Oh I didn't know that... I'm so glad you shared that with me."
rivenrock 14
Just pray you didn't inherit the stupid.
pjsr 33
Nobody likes being called a liar or stupid, including grandma. No soup for you ...or an inheritance. http://www.nbcnews.com/id/17819432/ns/health-pet_health/t/dog-saves-owner-modified-heimlich/
Goblin182 27
Humor the old bat