Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML
Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML
Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML
Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
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Top comments
PMAN6x7 22
I bet she's voting Trump for that wall
El_Boxeador 14
I didn't know we did that. I should embrace my heritage and I guess I'll start by sacrificing that Swaggart dude!
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Comments (60)
PMAN6x7 22
I bet she's voting Trump for that wall
Tommy1340 18
Well of course, we need that wall more than ever. Now that we know what those Catholic Mexicans are up to
dahoss99 30
So is she gonna say that the weatherman is always right next?
lexiieeex3 32
Why would Mexicans practice a different Catholicism than American Catholics though it's the same religion Grandma
El_Boxeador 14
Actually, we do/celebrate certain things that American Catholics don't. For example, we don't really do Santa. Instead, kids get gifts on January 6th for el Dia de los Reyes. So, it's the same religion just different emphasis I guess.
catherinecas 30
There are all sorts of different flavor a Catholicism. Cajun/AcadianCatholics celebrate Mardi Gras in a bigger way than most other Catholic cultures (not the New Orleans way). Like the no meat on Friday thing is practices differently. Some people do for Lent and some people do it all year
enginsteve 17
Also Aztecs... duh!
lexiieeex3 32
I realize there are different traditions but they still have the same values, which is what I was referring to. I highly doubt human sacrifice is a disparity between members of the same religion.
Alup132 22
Except Santa isn't part of the religion.
catherinecas 30
Saint Nicholas however is very much a part of the religion.
tosdyke 16
...she probably meant muslims but said mexcian.
alakazam12_fml 16
Don't think so dude, pretty sure Muslims aren't Catholic..
El_Boxeador 14
I didn't know we did that. I should embrace my heritage and I guess I'll start by sacrificing that Swaggart dude!
leogachi 15
@5 That's the spirit!
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Is that spirit tequila by any chance? Because nothing screams 'Catholic' louder than human sacrifices and liquor.
LPac5295 27
You. I like you.
vikky538 29
Best funny comment goes to you.
ThatHorse 15
Ask her why Donald Trump is a Catholic if Catholics sacrifice people then
leogachi 15
@6 Donald Trump has probably sacrificed many people to get where he is today.
Draugen 16
Because the muslims worship "this weird terrorist god called Allah," that means Mexican catholics worship "some burrito god by the name Dios," right... Oh and everything on tv must obviously be true, of course.
leogachi 15
@8 Don't you know it's illegal to lie on television?
ThrottleJockey 36
It's also illegal to lie on the internet. I read that somewhere on the internet.
RodzillaX 30
That totally doesn't happen...haha. Silly people should keep their noses out of what doesn't concern them, lest they end up next.
earljonez 22
That's funny I remember palm Sunday, midnight mass and other various things but nothing about human sacrifice...then I stopped attending church years ago so who knows
RodzillaX 30
I believe midnight mass murder began shortly after you left.
leogachi 15
@15 The Catholic people were so outraged by his departure that human sacrifice seemed like the only logical response.
Draugen 16
They introduced it around the same time they started using real blood and flesh for communion.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
It's true OP. I hear we have to meet a quota now as well.