Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML
Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML
Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML
Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML
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Top comments
peacelovecoffee 20
That makes more sense than the real story, lol.
Zestus 19
he's not?
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Comments (133)
Chris93Jones 20
run. pull that Forrest Gump shit run across the world
worldclassrager 41
St Nick was a real person...but not Christ in the flesh...
Thunderstruck14 30
Yep, I got less than my siblings did from Santa last year because I'm an atheist. I didn't care too much because I'm not greedy and I don't need a bunch of stuff from Santa, but still, its kind of mean, discriminating like that.
squarecircles 13
Then how would the reindeer & elves fit into the story? Hmm
jmayer12 14
Santa is based off of St. Nicholas who gave from his heart in the name of Christ, and by doing that now, we are celebrating the birth of Christ by giving to others in His honor
nevereyes 31
Christianity and Christ have nothing to do with Santa (actually Odin) or Christmas (actually Yule) their both pagan
smbio 17
Actually, Santa comes from Sinterklaas which is the Dutch form of Saint Nicholas, who was a Greek bishop in the 4th century. Christmas quite literally means 'the feast of christ', so I'd say it has everything to do with Christ and Christianity. Christmas was a means of converting the pagans. Also, *THEY'RE!
nevereyes 31
Sorry but those are names made up By Christians in a attempt to over ride the pagan holiday and convert pagans. Sorry but Christmas is Yule and Santa is Odin, Christians renaming and trying to Christianify them does not change them from being actually pagan
Survivor2001 10
That's adorable
monagro 22
This sounds like a good time to draw a line.
teganh 3
It's funny, because Christians don't believe in reincarnation...
est000dog 11
Oliver age 24?
loser4you 4
so are you Christian