Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML
Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML
Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML
Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML
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Top comments
peacelovecoffee 20
That makes more sense than the real story, lol.
Zestus 19
he's not?
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Comments (133)
ashleyylove3 22
Guess I won't be receiving any presents from "santa" then.
julako 22
I didn't know that there are so many Jesus's out there! But sure your gran must be right; I just saw one in the supermarket!
Opheliae 22
She's actually correct. The original "Santa Claus" in Germany and Austria in the 16th/17th century was the "Christkindl," or "Christ Child," who would bring gifts to good Christian boys and girls. It became popular with Protestants through Martin Luther, who claimed the gift-bringer was an "incarnation of Jesus."
AnmolArora 15
All the best OP :-D
raininginseattle 9
If Jesus is reincarnated wouldn't that make him a Buddhist?
twiztedone 19
Wow! I love it when people don't know the real stories! Bet she even believes that December 25th was the actual birthdate of Jesus also! Just another religion that got big and took over other religions celebration and folklore from another region.
Mshrodes 13
I feel you OP. I know what it's like to have close relatives who are very religious. Especially when you have to listen to what sounds like insanities without being able to discuss because you just don't wanna get into that.
ZorroRooster 19
You need to explain the origins of gift giving and really just the holiday in general. How Santa Claus as we know him wasn't around until the 20s (he was created by coca-cola as part of an ad campaign), and how Christmas was originally a pagan holiday that early Christians adopted in an attempt to convert said pagans to Christianity
JazNim17 18
My grandfather used to tell me that Santa was a man who liked making children happy, so God blessed him and made him able to give gifts to kids every year forever. Of course, I'm old enough now to know that Santa isn't real, but it was a cool story for a little kid. And a great rebuttal for a friend's mom who said Santa was of the devil.
sparky333441 18
Why is that so horrible? At least she's not mean or crazy.