Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML
Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML
Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML
Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML
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Top comments
peacelovecoffee 20
That makes more sense than the real story, lol.
Zestus 19
he's not?
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Comments (133)
abhi95 31
She's just being a grandma! Let her be!
Sports_guy3 28
*Plot Twist* "Grandma", is her cover name. She actually is working for the CIA. Her real mission is to find out who those Communists are. And send them back to Cuba.
foxy_grampa 19
I'm actually quite surprised that she tried to say Santa is Jesus. You would think if anything she would think Santa is satan, being spelled with the same letters, or think Santa is just some form of blasphemy
perdix 31
That's as good a story as any. I still never understood why parents work their asses off to make money, do battle at the mall to get presents, painstakingly wrap them and then give the credit to some unseen, supernatural being.
clrichmond2009 24
THANK YOU. I never understood that either. I said this to my mom, when she asked me what I was getting my son from Santa, so she flipped shit and went out and got him even more so he's get something from Santa. He's only one! He won't even know the difference.
gloriabrose 9
I dont even understand why this is an fml. Calm down and enjoy your geandmas company
SgtAssCheeks 21
Yeah yesterday Jesus grabbed the girl's ass and got a ticket
Vidrill 22
Just as I was about to press "I agree", I saw that the number was at 666. That has to mean something. It just has to.
Schiffy 18
So does that mean we can start hiring Mall Jesuses now?
Carebeareatu 23
Sounds a little less creepy than the real story.
KawaiiCupcake 14
It's true OP. Take it form grandma, don't ignore the truth
mikewtexas 14
If Santa is Jesus ...... Does that mean if your bad instead of getting coal does he set you on fire?
thefattest 1
No he'll just send you to a place to be set on fire. Just kidding, you send you send there, Jesus loves you