Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML
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Top comments
AntDog27 0
Dude I feel for you. About the girl and the dog, I have a soft spot for animals, but dont worry kerp ur head up the night is always darkest before the dawn
DocBastard 40
I agree. He certainly sounds very melancollie, like he stepped in a big mud poodle. Whatever you do, don't collar. She'll probably terrier heart out all over again. And don't go chasing after her trying to retriever; you'd only look more pathetic. I would suggest a little trip to get over her - maybe to Labrador. You can use my travel agent, Jack Russell. He's a boxer on the side, but he's excellent.
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Comments (100)
zapzapp 0
that sucks
gumzy 6
Ur beautiful
kaayalbx 0
30 - lmao
charlesnk7 0
damn right
NoahStaz 3
Agreed with 30
iamthellamaking 0
wow get a life and meet real girls. well ones that'll talk to complete idiots.
JGchowda 0
u kewl
DrJesse 10
Perfect material for a country song.
perdix 31
Your dog probably killed himself because your girlfriend dumped you and, by extension, him. That girl really gave him a helluva red rocket.
Somemadbloke1 1
win
BBoxall 0
You little ****. This guy had the worst day ever and u just made it worse.
ChristineAnn58 8
You're ******* disgusting. Let alone you're an ass too
jayAZ 3
Maybe she knew about your dog before you did and that was whole reason for dating ur pathetic ass! buy a cute puppy...maybe she'll take ya back!
iamthellamaking 0
maybe you should grow some balls and stop spiking drinks
AntDog27 0
Dude I feel for you. About the girl and the dog, I have a soft spot for animals, but dont worry kerp ur head up the night is always darkest before the dawn
RedPillSucks 33
Soft spot for animals, hard spot for women.... Or was it the other way around? Where's my viagra?!!!
iamthellamaking 0
I stole it and fed it to my dog
zebrapattern 6
well how unoriginal of this post.
UpsidedownKayak 9
It looks like you went barking up the wrong tree and got bitten by bad news. Maybe if you had begged your girlfriend a little longer you might have gotten a treat but you were just a bad boyfriend. Now it is time to pound the streets and find another girlfriend, don't sit there like you're tied to a tree.
DocBastard 40
I agree. He certainly sounds very melancollie, like he stepped in a big mud poodle. Whatever you do, don't collar. She'll probably terrier heart out all over again. And don't go chasing after her trying to retriever; you'd only look more pathetic. I would suggest a little trip to get over her - maybe to Labrador. You can use my travel agent, Jack Russell. He's a boxer on the side, but he's excellent.
Arschloch04 0
Holy shit Doc. That was absolutely beautiful.
eminem_lover 0
gotttem!
Karnezar 2
Whoa. . . . .what the ****
sunnyskies 3
Dear DocBastard i cant get enough of your comments... i may be developing a crush
tman350 0
that was amazing brought a tear to my eye
Buchitoo 4
Doc, you are the best!!!
TheNewGuy03 29
legendary. |the kid|
iamthellamaking 0
#49 so your getting a crush on a guy who would criticize anything nat that he is not funny but he make fun of anything
mnwv 3
Your nephew looks a little more buff then you. Thenewguy3 time to go workout some more.
supertacowaffle 41
DocBastard you're too awesome.
joshijosh 0
your dog died, get over it. As for the girl, she's cheating on you. ...i'd dig my key into the side of her pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive. jk
eyylani 0
am i the gf?
Doortje 30
Depends.. did you just broke up with your boyfriend out of the blue, then wouldn't listen to his pleads? And did he then call his mother to ask for advice, who told him his dog just died? If you can answer all these questions positively: you're not.
iamthellamaking 0
don't be mean she probably hasn't had a BF who didn't just do a one night stand in a while so she's imagining it
travis1980___ 0
Three quarters of the people who comment on this site are seemingly in the middle of a competition to see who can be the least sensitive asshole. Sorry about your dog, and your breakup. Keep your head up.
DocBastard 40
Wait, isn't that the whole point of the comment section? *rereads FAQ and posting rules* "Please don't post any shocking or hateful comments" WHAT??! I've been doing it wrong this whole time?? Shit!!!
Doortje 30
We tried to tell you Doc, but we just didn't want to hurt your feelings :(
UpsidedownKayak 9
So who is winning the competition? *fingers crossed*
roeallen 11
Sorry, you're never going to win. It's like the Never Ending Story, except this time, it's true.
iamthellamaking 0
don't worry only 10people(don't)hate you
anon_e_m00se 8
On the dog: condolences. On the girl: you pleaded? dude, grow a pair. NO ONE is worth your dignity. Learn to be whole and self-reliant on your own (ie. happy whether you've got a girl or not). Then go find a rebound girl. Only think about a new relationship of any kind AFTER you've accomplished those two goals.
fthku 13
Actually three goals. He needs to grow a pair first.