Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML
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Top comments
AntDog27 0
Dude I feel for you. About the girl and the dog, I have a soft spot for animals, but dont worry kerp ur head up the night is always darkest before the dawn
DocBastard 40
I agree. He certainly sounds very melancollie, like he stepped in a big mud poodle. Whatever you do, don't collar. She'll probably terrier heart out all over again. And don't go chasing after her trying to retriever; you'd only look more pathetic. I would suggest a little trip to get over her - maybe to Labrador. You can use my travel agent, Jack Russell. He's a boxer on the side, but he's excellent.
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Comments (100)
underpaid011 0
get a country album and play it backwards. you will get your dog and girl back (in that order) and as an added bonus if you have a truck that does not run it will start working too.
Zaros_fml 24
Lmfao. Winner.
therealsuperman 0
get over the old chick by getting under a new one. the dog was also expendable, just go out and buy two to replace it
anony33nu 0
I had the same thing happen to me, but around valentines day -_-
zzzBOLTzzz 1
Looks like... (*Puts on glasses) You lost your dog & your pussy. Yeeeaaahhh!!!
Kesler_17 0
I've never seen anyone fail so hard at this type of joke.
NYR1926 0
sucks to be you
Calyx_fml 22
What a bitch... Both your ex and your dog.
Zesty697 0
obviously 10 has never had a dog before
jkjkelly 0
Who goes to there mom when they get dumped when they live alone?
dunicha 20
Some people seem to actually like their moms. And apparently some people's moms are good at the whole "comfort and advice" thing. Go figure.
akerasi 3
Now if your truck dies, you have the makings of a hit country song.
CrabbyMcNasty 0
lol
RedPillSucks 33
Hookers or dogs?