Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
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Top comments
UH60 26
Are you by chance the same guy that 'accidentally' slipped into the wrong hole yesterday?
Steve95401 49
Make sure to sleep on your back or on your side facing her. Also, be careful about bending over in the shower to pick up your soap off the floor.
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Comments (234)
cmac86 24
coffee, espresso, energy drinks or the combination of the three; whatever it takes to not fall asleep.
ariasmake1 9
No means No, unless you're a guy. Prepare to be sodomize.
just_killin_time 14
Can't believe some of the sh*t I'm reading here lately. What is it with the people threatening to or basically just assaulting their partners? Stop dating people who exhibit predatory or abusive behavior! Hope the stories are not for real but then again - Is this the idea of a joke for some people? Back to the post: If this actually happened (although I would strongly suggest leaving a person who considers this kind of behavior or humor acceptable), you need to tell her what the consequence of her actions will be. Including the possibility of you hurting her. If that makes me an asshole, so be it. Stuff like that can't fly.
andypandy5 7
You should try it :D
psycho_social 17
Leave
wsj93 6
Bro, just do it. No balls if you don't
teeeyee21 13
Damn..sucks to be you
weaponofchoice6 11
Don't shower with her. One little soap drop......
ThrottleJockey 36
Bend over and touch your toes and she'll s show you where the wild goose goes!
srich83 5
Thats rape if she does.