Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
Today, we got a dog. My husband was adamant that we should name him Gonit, so I agreed. A friend asked what the name meant, and my husband said, "Why wouldn't you name a dog Gonit?" Then I got it. FML
Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaimed, "That was amazing Drew." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name, which doesn't sound anything like Drew. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML
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Top comments
lickastick 27
Doesn't matter, had sex
Emmamazing 26
At least your girlfriend has a good sense of humour about it, OP.
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Comments (61)
lickastick 27
Doesn't matter, had sex
1dvs_bstd 41
The best 30 seconds of his life.
jerzjay 17
She put a bag on my head.....
Swandive235 27
Still counts, had sex.
First_JOman 22
She might've been a racist (Doesn't matter, had sex)
SS99_fml 20
Tell her it's also quick to move to different girls
1dvs_bstd 41
that pushed your buttons, huh?
kingodsucksville 18
#22 rustled your jimmies*
CamBam97 7
hahaha yes
rjc490 29
Keep practicing till you can finish her off speedily!
jake_braves 25
OP, you could get her to name it Gordon instead, after Flash Gordon.
Emmamazing 26
At least your girlfriend has a good sense of humour about it, OP.
PaulChristie 13
What about the truth? Because you can't handle it?
KaidensCrow 18
it doesn't matter how long sex lasts... in fact it can be incredibly painful if it lasts for a very long time. just keep practicing op. work on your technique and you can give her the best sex she's ever had or will have. :)
Mauskau 36
When you've been with people that barely last 30 seconds no matter how frequently you do it, it gets frustrating. They finish and we don't, and often people can lose all interest once they've finished so they don't even bother trying to finish you. Might as well just do it myself, as it wasn't long enough to get any pleasure from it.
KaidensCrow 18
Lol I said to work on technique.. it can be incredibly pleasurable and last for a short time. your right it doesn't matter how frequent it is but the only way to get better is practice. and neither op or his girlfriend said he doesn't help finish her, just that he doesn't last long. now if he just leaves her hanging then that's incredibly inconsiderate. but no one ever said he does
weveallbeenthere 30
that is very funny. But at least you're having sex
1dvs_bstd 41
Call her pussy "Friday" because it comes too late.
StzaCrack666 18
or Santa because it only comes once a year
trucker2 33
lmao soooo right
nphill82 21
Are you sure it wasn't because it's tiny like a mouse?
igg125 30
At least she gave it a name based on speed and not size