Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML
Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML
Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML
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Top comments
Tippssy 0
Pokedex Entry: Squirtle Type: Water Height: 6.5 inches Moveset: Harden, Pound, Withdraw, String Shot
Darkon 0
That is awesome!
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Comments (427)
Darkon 0
That is awesome!
z3r0ram 0
Tell her it's evolving War Turtle or Blastoise
nazooer 11
So, just name her ****** lucy
Cidinho 0
Agreed. FML? More like MyLifeisG.
Sessee 4
******' lol.
lmmmr 0
Haha, FYL because your girlfriend is hilarious. That must really suck for you.
JoeJoe711 0
haha, name her Jigglypuff cuz after she sings you go to sleep;)
Osa_fml 0
I'd name it "Chansey," #43.
MastaHorse 0
i love naming penises! lol
T1MT1M 0
Now you can say "SQUIRTLE, I CHOOSE YOU." while getting an erection
humorizer 14
Name hers Cloyster.
seb12992 0
Number 25 ftw.
allocomrade 0
THAT IS ******* AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y is this an FML? ok, maybe you don't like pokemon, but i am telling you that is awesome. now everytime u get a hard on you can say "hey baby, you wanna say hello to blastoides?"
dowhatiwant 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
allocomrade, if someone compares a dick to a turtle, it probably means it's small, a chud, or maybe uncircumsized... or even a combination of those, and if was any of those i wouldn't want to made fun of about it by the chick i'm banging. this is an FML, stop your complaining.
blehargh 0
Um, I'm pretty sure she didn't name it for being turtle-like, probably because it SQUIRTS
tarula 1
I named my boyfriends BLASTOISE to make him feel better
delfinofrank 0
I can't think about pokemon now without thinking about dicks :(
bbobe900000 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA oh. my. god. these comments are the funniest thing I have seen on this website. and I agree with everyone who says it's not a FML. it is amazing, I say your girlfriend is awesome.
jet_fml 0
25, I think I love you.
ThatLameGuy 0
"She turned my Magicarp into a Gyarados."
Boxingsweets 0
Oh god, I'm tearing up from that comment. FTW!
chris_247 0
you should call ever ****** muk and if she ever gets an STD and you hav sex with her,u should call her charizard,cuz u kno its gonna burn like hell
0___0 9
I wish I had a penis so I could name it 'squirtle' ;(
eldoritoman 0
#25 lol
mclaxin1115 0
EPIC ******* WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
FreddyLunch 0
#116: Win!
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
LMFAO HAHAHA WIN!
ScreamToday 0
Lawl!
theodivine 0
HAHAAHA YES! 116 = Best response EVER.
unkinged44 0
name her boobs weezing becuase one is bigger http://pokemon-stats.com/galeria/pokemon/weezing.jpg weezing pic for non pokemon fans
fmlurlife 0
what the **** us a blastoise. why do people like pokemon. i am soo confused
Mcstroodlenugget 0
kinky
cearalaken 0
why is your girlfriend so awesome?? haha
pandamuffins 0
No... name hers... Mike Litoris. (my ********)
HeavySleeper 0
haha tha's rich :D
Epickitty58 29
354- You know, there's this cool new thing, called the INTERNET, where you can look up, or in fancy scientific terms, GOOGLE, ANYTHING at all. It's crazy! It's so crazy! The first time I tried it, I was, like, 6 YEARS OLD. Maybe you can find out, oh, I don't know, EVERYTHING about Pokémon THERE. I hear that now you can get it on ANY DEVICE THAT YOU WROTE YOUR COMMENT ON. *cough cough* fucktard *cough cough* I LOVED POKÉMON BEFORE I COULD USE THE INTERNET.
Benjashby 0
say hello to my kakuna, im afraid its only attack is harden :P she culda at least gone with blastoise haha
metamorphmagus 0
ROFLCOPTER!
F_Y_Comments 0
Could be worse: Weepinbell, Oddish, Gloom, Diglett, Grimer, Snorlax I think you'd aspire to Onix if we're really going to name them after Pokemon
thisislove_fml 0
HAHAHAHHAA. you're amazing. XD i laughed so muchhh.
ILIEKGIRLS 5
Weedle XD
TheGabe 0
Weedle XD "Weedle used string shot!"
Haut 0
.......................__ ............ ....... ........................| |........... ................... __||/____...... ................|'-|--| .......... .. _...........|--|---|.. ........ ../ L ____,/-------______ .|LOL|-------------O----- ----,.. .. L /______,---''-----------, /... ../ /............._________ ,/.... .//.............____//___ ____/.
fawfulster 11
Nah, nah, nah, nah this is bullshit, at least she didn't go with magikarp or even worse: MUDKIP!
girlperson 0
is that meant to be a helicopter?
ubiquitious 0
It's a roflcopter
edcba54321 0
LMAO
bexox 0
Yours doesn't squirt? :/
Scotticus117 11
im pretty sure its a boat, it doesn't say rofl, it says lol, so its a lol boat i guess.
FreddyLunch 0
#119: Mudkip is a pretty good Pokémon actually.
evlbb2 2
So. I heard you liked Mudkips. XD HisLifeisG
G_tastic 0
#98 what is that supose to be a submarine lol hahaha......im not into pokemon but i think its kinda cute that she wanted to name it haha
frannytrois64 0
Oh, i thought it was a really bad picture of a penis XD
_cheeseballs 0
Hahaha! :)
xxaeroboi189xx 0
I named my balls geodude and then when I was five my wirmple evolved into steelix :)
wingedeggplant 0
You're girlfriend rocks! I now have to name my boyfriend's penis after a pokemon.
BeeSkwaird 0
What are gf rocks, and why are we calling him that? Or are you calling his penis that? If so, not bad! J/k, I'm aware it was a typo. @OP: Keep her. That's hilarious and adorable and if her sense of humor doesn't make you wanna make love to her like crazy, send 'er my way!
carmenism 0
A great response to a terrible typo!
DarknessToLight 5
to make him feel better. blastoise onix steelix raquayza(sp?)
hallix 21
IKR? It's a cute name. Just say that it might be a squirtle now, but it'll evolve after a few battles!
nomadxx7 0
Sorry but you should name your own penis. If that's too hard you should be able to name each of her boobies. Only fair I'd say. Personally I named my own out of boredom and so I wouldn't end up with such a stupid pokemon name
Hich17 0
Named my own, too. Gotta keep out the potential riffraff.
lmmmr 0
I think a guy naming his own penis is a surefire sign of a reverse freudian complex. Women do not need to have penis envy when there are people like you, who practically build shrines to their own members. Seriously though, if I heard that someone named their own penis, I would assume that they are selfish lovers. So, spread that information cautiously.
divineinstrument 2
@111: I don't really see the problem. Well I have two names I would like my penis to be called, but I've not started having sex yet so it doesn't actually matter at the moment I would either like my penis to be called "Spartan" or "Divine Instrument" (my username lol)
The_Flanman 0
hmmm... thats a little gay man... lol
bexox 0
You could rip off your pants and yell "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAN!" and then kick someone into the bed. Just a thought.
septemberlovebug 0
hahaha... that's hilarious
HaveAWaffle 0
aren't you that gay guy
EvilCupcake8361 9
name her boobies jigglypuff! XD
pandabearsmiles 0
114- AH. AHAHA. AHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA. FAIL. 47929/63819647188472x Fail. Oh god. It's 2 am, and I just busted out laughing, and woke my dad up (from laughing loudly). He came in my room, and asked what was so funny, and I read your comment. He replied, "Well, I hope that kid's gay, cause no women would ever **** a guy who names his dick so retardedly."
ddlovatolover 23
#7, POKÉMON. IS. NOT. STUPID.
Callyn 47
That's cute. No FML here.
JarJarBinks_fml 0
Ha ha that's so random, but it's kinda cool, in a way. Appropriate too. At least she has a good sense of humour. I agree with #2
zehr0 0
pff, squirtle? Squirtle, meet BLASTOISE
beepmeep 0
:D THAT'S MY GUINEA PIG'S NAME
LebanonBaby 26
LOOOOOOOOOL
MaramaBreaksFace 0
Squirtle is better than Slowpoke. Count yourself lucky.
plexico 4
Slowpoke is better than Lightning!
XOfiestypixie 0
ahah! very true, plexico!