Tim Scotten
🌶️ Spicy
Call me by my name
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Gloucester, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
First time
Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
nicknack22
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Anonymous
Saint Paul, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Repetition
Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML
Charles
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML
I'll Make You FartCum
San Francisco, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Great handle!
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML
WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner
Arlington, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Effective
Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML
idiot says pussy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
sadguy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Comeback
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Mr Eek
🌶️ Spicy
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Top comments
Levi2411 41
See now, if you called her pancake ******* though, she'd probably blow a gasket.
bound101 7
This FML makes me hungry.
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Comments (5)
Bogrbon 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Least it’s not Mr. Richard Pencil (IE pencil Dick). =D
bound101 7
fml seemed you a rule breaker for that comment, lmao!
bound101 7
This FML makes me hungry.
Fata Morgana 1029 9
This actually really isn't cool. It's not okay for a partner to make fun of your body this way. Hell, in any way. I think it's already time for your girlfriend to become you ex.
tido26 18
Let's not jump to that instantly. Obviously, a lot depends on context, but I've been with men that are larger than average and make a joke about "needing a microscope to find it" in a VERY sarcastic manner; it would be akin to telling a woman that is a DD that her chest is as flat as a teenage boys
Levi2411 41
See now, if you called her pancake ******* though, she'd probably blow a gasket.
Sadgurl64 10
Sounds like its time for a new girlfriend, one that respects you tho.