Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I almost suffocated. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML
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Top comments
grapisy 8
Still counts.
FUUUandyourmom 16
What a wonderful girlfriend you've got there!
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Comments (400)
catamc 0
you sure she wasn't a racist? lol
tamt2 4
i totally agree...that's so not why! lolz!
sko12342 3
Or maybe!!! It´s because you´re ugly.. Hehe just kidding... Or am I?
MacyPompeo1 0
maybe she liked the song I just had sex by the lonely islands they say she put a bag on my head but guess what dude? it still counts you had sex!!!
XxThrasherxX 0
She wanted to kill you
TheNewGuy03 29
hehe, maybe. that's a really ******-up way to totally murder your significant other. >
sandmancometh 3
the only time you last three minutes and she has to bag your face hahahahahahHaa
small_bar_101 0
'she put a bag on my head' still counts! haha:)
foxyrambo 3
this reminds me of "I just had sex" by lonely island and akon. anyone who gets the reference is awesome.
AnimosityForAll 7
Sounds like someone who is way too into her self. Put a bag on her head next time... Just for the hell of it :)
Justincolon22 15
tip? well heres one ********** ha