Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I almost suffocated. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML
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Top comments
grapisy 8
Still counts.
FUUUandyourmom 16
What a wonderful girlfriend you've got there!
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Comments (400)
FUUUandyourmom 16
What a wonderful girlfriend you've got there!
friscoed 0
Well atleast shes enviornmentally friendly by using paper instead of plastic.. =]
JangiJangiJangi 0
why did op just take it off his head ? stupid. ydi
JangiJangiJangi 0
I mean why DIDN'T he take it off. typo
smurfsarwales 9
can you finish if you're unconscious?
ismellrealbad 0
bird is the word
nixter5 18
BEST 3 minutes of ya life!!
iluvboobies 9
30 He was obviously handcuffed to the bed posts.
wolflover44 5
That's some kinky stuff right there! I know how to make handcuffs out of a teeshirt... :D lol.
THEmuffinpan 0
No you know how to tie someones wrists with a T-shirt.
kcutie 0
unless OP has a history of hyperventilating.. then. understand. otherwise his gf is stupid and conceited as hell
Tektite 14
Maybe she was planning on suffocating you ;).. You rich?
FurryPride 9
That's some kinky stuff the 160. (sarcasm)
StopDropNRoll 11
I don't know how using paper is environmentally friendly. last time I checked paper came from trees....
roobear 2
We can plant new trees; we cannot plant new oil. Not in the same context, anyway.
maz_irken 6
Yep. I'm sure THAT's why she put a bag over your head!
Kitouran 30
Last time I checked, plastic isn't biodegradable.
sephoraprincess 7
haha.
howslife123 0
HAHA!
hoodasswhitekid 0
HAHAHA!!!
Garyy_fml 11
HAHAHA... wait, thats stupid.
TheRealHouse 7
Moohawhaw!!
XxXHaCkErXxX 0
wow...you uh might wanna look in the mirror and see what she's talking about, 'cause it obviously can't be the reason she gave you.
daisyloo 7
Sneaky haha!
howslife123 0
she has pretty high self esteem for someone who has to make sure guys don't see her naked :$
WishResign 0
228, is that truly what you got out of it? she thinks her bf is ugly or makes ugly faces in bed.
howslife123 0
yes it is! because it says the girlfriend says she's really good in bed!! so.. yeah
grapisy 8
Still counts.
hoodasswhitekid 0
i wonder if he finished before he fainted
BaconDave 12
I know have that sing stuck in my head. It's family day.
BaconDave 12
I meant song. Me and my phone are going to have a very stern talk about this.
spazmattic 0
I think she might have been a racist
Saltime 0
91, Doesn't matter, have sex.
TripleD76 1
But I cried the whole time!
Zestyschmidty 4
Lol the lonely old island
Saltime 0
163, No. Bob Marley.
austin10mink 0
doesn't matter had sex
masterass333 0
beat me to it
opeagles 0
lonelyiand and akon!!! love itt lol
BShady96 0
she mightve been a racist
grapisy 8
262- if you love it so much why don't you know the name of the band? I will now be google. Did you mean lonely island? Make comments instead about Lonely island.
nolarboot 10
But why would you leave it over your head? I say you deserve it. :P
arirsmommy 0
I agree sorry but who is dumb enough to allow the bag over your head in the first place???
ismellrealbad 0
I am!!!!
je_suis_fml 11
54- a guy who wants a nut.
androiddestroya 7
she seriously thought that would help??
Garyy_fml 11
She's a keeper.
Friaza 29
Paper bag > All
Molord1 0
what...?
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
dump her, or next time tell her to poke a hole for ur mouth, nose, and eyes if ur into that kinda stuff >_>
sonangedemusique 2
your picture!!!! Is that from the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMA in ny??
ismellrealbad 0
is your girlfriend stupid?
Symmetry88 0
no but you are.
JakeLee 6
I like your ear. it's a very nice ear. it has character.
ismellrealbad 0
thank you