Today, I had to retrieve my son from the police station because him and his girlfriend decided a blowjob in the back row of the cinema was a good idea when they have night vision cameras in there and security guards and a very high definition picture printer for evidence. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML
Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for having sex in public. FML
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML
Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got busted having public sex. In desperation, I promised the officer he could fuck me if he let us go. Now I've got an extra charge and probably an ex-boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
tiptoppc 21
Why do cinemas need security guards and night vision cameras? Where does he go to school, Stalingrad?
SAgirl 23
There was that one theater that got shot up during a batman move. Besides that, catching people performing sexual acts in public sounds like a pretty good reason alone to have them.
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Comments (1)
tiptoppc 21
Why do cinemas need security guards and night vision cameras? Where does he go to school, Stalingrad?
SAgirl 23
There was that one theater that got shot up during a batman move. Besides that, catching people performing sexual acts in public sounds like a pretty good reason alone to have them.
tiptoppc 21
Sandy Hook even showed if you have police on site they won’t do anything. How in the hell is the security guard going to stop someone from shooting up a theater?