Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML
Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML
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Top comments
sparkleprincess 0
thats soo freaken funny *wipes a tear* but try doing your situps on the floor using the mattress for that springy bounce back is totally cheating your muscles arent working at all.
becalm_fml 0
I laughed.
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Comments (68)
becalm_fml 0
I laughed.
asianpo 0
what a piece of shit excuse for masturbating you dirty twat
bonnieandclyde44 0
hahahh
lolpwntdumass 0
what #40 said. excuses, excuses.
skisftw 0
thars what ur dad might do he probly is the one who made that bed squeaky in the first place lol win
daflyinhawaiian 0
who does sit ups on a mattress?? don't be a pussy
Idiot_Savant 0
I almost peed myself laughing!
kmow32 0
sit ups ob matresses definitely don't give you abs. sorry to break it to you op.
kmow32 0
on* I can give tips if u want em ;)
cbaidchris 6
^I love volleyball players giving tips on how to be masculine
Fenikkusu 0
Says the anorexic. Give tips when you have muscles that you needed to work for.
Fenikkusu 0
Says the anorexic. Give tips when you have muscles that you needed to work for.
farhil 14
I eat more than anyone I know and work out daily, yet I'm 145 pounds and 6 foot 1 with virtually no visible muscle. I have an extremely high metablism, which prevents me from building muscle, but also keeps me at a low weight. Also, being slightly tall and being lightweight, the muscle I do have is stretched, making it less defined. Just because you're skinny doesn't mean you're anorexic, dumbass
MyKillz 0
I would have too...
rosalita_fml 0
yes me too but you should tell him of your sit ups. and show him your body when it worked out.
Windskurfer 0
BAHAHAHAHAH!
sparkleprincess 0
thats soo freaken funny *wipes a tear* but try doing your situps on the floor using the mattress for that springy bounce back is totally cheating your muscles arent working at all.
Ottoman81 0
dont bother doin sit ups on a bed. leg raises would be a better alternative
AliceC_fml 3
Don't do strenuous exercise on ur mattress, dipshit
Rebap 4
well atleast he THOUGHT u were instead of finding out you actually were masterbating.
paramorefan125 0
ahahahaha wow smartass
im2good25 0
Who are you try to impress?