Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML
Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML
Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML
Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
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Top comments
marinja 0
apparenly your computer desk isn't the only thing that's 250 pounds...
xiambam 4
Eh, at least she had good intentions. : lol
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Comments (131)
ILoveJace01 0
Lol I'm sorry, but at least she was trying to be sexy.
wbrycem 0
They are. And they aren't easy to shake off, either. I think it's because they don't have standards ...
annamg 0
At least she was trying to be sexy and have some fun; it's better than some unenthusiastic prude. And to all the commenters, how do you know she was fat? Some desks can be pretty flimsy, especially if you apply at lot of force to it (i.e, jumping.) Furniture isn't made to be jumped on.
BabaBlackShirt 0
She doesn't have to be fat. Just light jogging pounds your foot with 3x your weight. Jumping can do a hell of a lot of damage to a cheap desk. So... say 120 lbs x 5 = 600lbs or more. I know it's not a cheap desk, for those smartass bastards who love to correct people. I'm just stating a few facts to help explain the situation to some people who don't understand how this could happen.
teach09 0
how is that a comprehension fail??? Pretty sure the question was answered... I'm sure lots of people would want to have sex on a desk... I know I would!!!!
IsumoVamp 0
Pics or it didn't happen.
flyboy57 0
you didn't have angry sex? YDI!
BalenciagaBetch9 0
fat girls need love too!
plexico 4
I am such a ******* nerd! This is about the 93rd comment and I think I am the first to ask: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COMPUTER?
libbyson 5
I would assume that since the desk is new and they wanted to have sex on it he just finished putting it together haha but I could be wrong
plexico 4
I'd guess he'd use a phrase like "brand new" in that case. "New" can mean a few months old even. You've eased my mind a bit, but I still have concerns about the status of the computer.
jonny2x4 0
There's a more important question that has yet to be answered. More important than what happened to the computer.... >>>>>>>>>WAS SHE HOT?
repyourcliche 0
You have absolutely no idea how much that last sentence made me want to beat the living shit out of you.
cwhwc 0
Why? Did she exceed the 250 lbs weight limit?! Haha! Get it?! 250 pounds! It's like a pun! Teehee!