Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML
Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML
Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML
Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
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Top comments
marinja 0
apparenly your computer desk isn't the only thing that's 250 pounds...
xiambam 4
Eh, at least she had good intentions. : lol
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Comments (131)
SomeonePosting 0
1. Weight could have nothing to do with it. Just the fact that she jumped could create enough momentum to break the desk if it wasn't sturdy. 2. Last I checked, lots of people!
moss_fml 2
Would you like to tell me what YDI means.....
EndZone 0
You Deserve It
SomeonePosting 0
Wow, reading comprehension fail. I thought that second one was "Who would want to have sex on a desk?"
CFR 0
I feel bad for her... That must've hurt. =/ Everyone calling her fat, you do know that muscle is actually heavier than fat right? Just a thought... And the desk, expensive as it may be, was probably, simply not made to be jumped on, regardless of the jumper's weight. Last time I checked, desks weren't designed with human sexual activity in mind.
possumisawesome 0
There's a webcomic out there, and the two gay guys accidently break their friends desk... "Your desk wasn't able to support two full grown males in reverse-cowgirl... We tested. Sorry."
CFR 0
lol Nice!
Imawhalerider 0
sorry but i dont think normal girls get up to 160+ in muscle mass and not be fat.
CFR 0
How do you know she's 160??... Anyways it can be a combination of both, and if it's all muscle, it's not called "fat", it's called "really strong". Yes, women can be strong. Shocker.
Imawhalerider 0
sorry to offend your feminist side but its a lot harder to gain muscle mass (upper body) when you are a girl. and percentages weigh in. if she was tall it would be a lot harder to 'jump' on a desk with her full weight. if it was a £250 desk it can probably hold up to around 150 pounds. Either he had a bodybuilder gf, or a really tall one gf with a big desk (so that she could jump on with her full weight), or he got ripped off, or she can jump really high. logistics + weight + material + girlfriend's jumping ability.
CFR 0
I'm just in a bad mood don't worry about it. You never mentioned the legs =P Some women have really strong legs (like half the women in my family, and myself) That, added to their butts, puts on some pretty hefty muscle mass. You are right about the upper body though, it's harder to build muscle there, but it's possible. lol female body builders freak me out xD
plexico 4
Don't worry, CFR. You actually need not account for every pound of static mass. I remember in an engineering class, a rule of thumb is that if you expect dynamic loads, design for double the maximum static weight you expect. I remember the example of a diving board. If you expect that the biggest fattie that would ever get on it would be 300 lbs, then it should be designed to hold a static weight of 600 lbs to account for the bouncing. A desk designed to accommodate at 120 lb naked girl jumping on it should be able to support a 240 pound weight. I wish I could work at that test facility!
CFR 0
Ahahaha oh yes plexico, dealing with bruised and possibly broken (naked) women is totally a plus side to every failed experiment =P
plexico 4
I would tend to overdesign the desk, so the naked girl would never get hurt. Sure, the company might not bring its cost of production to a minimum, but I'd be getting laid after every test!
CFR 0
Heh you wouldn't even have to wait till after... I wonder how one would gather said naked girls for testing these over designed desks...You know, the surveys they send out that ask to volunteer for a test? I wonder what they would say...
plexico 4
The OP did say that she jumped on the table naked with the intention of having sex. I take that to mean that this is a "real-world" condition and we have to be responsive to customer needs. I suppose the test subjects would have to be volunteers, because if they got paid for completing a thorough test of the desk, they'd be hos. I'm sure my company would commend my frugal use of company monies. Recruiting volunteers might be a challenge. I don't know how much of an inducement a free ride on Plexico would be. ;)
CFR 0
rofl
plexico 4
Yeah, that's the typical reaction when free Plexico rides are proffered.
CFR 0
No it's not that. Just whenever someone refers to sex as a ride I'm always reminded of an amusement park lol. "You must be this tall to go on this ride".
plexico 4
Nice save.
CFR 0
It's not bad eh?
9az00 0
Damn she broke a 250 pound desk? Your girlfriend must be huge!! lol crazy Brits...
loveyabb 0
Oh, BOO-HOO, your girlfriend wanted to have sex.... Get off this site.
jonny2x4 0
You deserve it for not knowing what YDI means.
abharder156 0
New desk + sympathy sex (for breaking the desk)= good life.
PutDownTheGun 0
Dump the bitch or return the desk, assuming it has a warranty.