Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Sorry, but domestic abuse is not something you joke about. You should beat her for that. Er, discuss it.
TransitionCovert 6
Now you can beat her.
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Comments (170)
GvIntense 0
give her a cookie
louie111887 0
dude no way she is saying that ?! that's all bad my friend. don't get arrested. be careful.
minidinosaurgoes 9
damn... first, i hope u break up with her, and second, she should be hsppy to hav a non abusive bf and not pretend wen a lot of people do have abusive partners so maybe she should switch places with one of them and realize how dum it is 2 use sumptin like that as an excuse!
WhatTheFuq 0
My IQ just dropped 10 points by reading that. Now I'm left with 8.
kcnutt10 1
Damn, you're grammar doesn't have to be perfect, but at least learn how to ******* spell simple words!
lalizard_ocho 0
Damn. This shit makes no flippin sense? Were you drunk?
IneffableLullaby 13
Dump her. No partner should ever make up a rumor that could cause serious consequences such as that, especially over something as insignificant as clumsiness.
Chris19801012 0
That f'ing bitch!!!! Get rid of her!
swampstomper 0
that really sux
Das_Judenburg 0
haha cripple
KayyLily 0
dump the bitch.
taticalnNinja 5
That's a win, jus sayin
minidinosaurgoes 9
no it's not! people die from abusive relationships so it's nutin to joke about, JUST SAYING
docscientist 10
Don't blame him 48, he's just a kid.
Leyla13 0
Ur hot haha randomness
valri3 0
That's why I've seen all these weird sex related and train FMLs. o.0 (joking)
keepmeonthedl 7
Your girlfriend is dumb. No one should ever use an excuse like that. That's a serious issue. She doesn't deserve you if she's going to make up lies like that.