Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
Sorry, but domestic abuse is not something you joke about. You should beat her for that. Er, discuss it.
TransitionCovert 6
Now you can beat her.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
JERZBornNRaised 7
wow what a complete bitch, shed rather tell everyone her bf beats her, then to say she ran into a door? that just makes you look like a complete tool and douchebag, but then again people will wonder why shes still with you then and will eventually find out its a lie, and if not good luck gettin a gf after her if they think you beat her.
vanessa_tx_21 0
I agree...
ThatSceneKid1313 9
Tl;dr.
FYLDeep 26
Tell people she's a masochist and that she was literally asking for it.
LightningLadyy 0
Hahaha that could work :)
hobopenguins 0
Bahahaha one time i gave myself a black eye from accidently gettin hit by my friend. Well my boyfriend at the time went around tellin everyone HE gave it to me. Lol everyone believed him
whoisthisgirl 4
this comment is on all the fmls and is getting really annoying.
UpsidedownKayak 9
Oh god, what is happening to me? I have this uncontrollable urge to say something demeaning. Can't...Fight.....It......Uuuuunnnnggggg! "That's what she gets for leaving the kitchen, now get back in there and make me a sammich before I give you another!"
kcnutt10 1
WIN
Uraepicfail 0
Well... No girl wants to admit they are clumsy... But we cover up things to... Like I said I trip down stairs breaking my arm, but really my now ex pushed me down. And hit me with a bat..
americaFyeah 0
you kinda sound like a epic fail
Uraepicfail 0
Try having ur arm broke in 3 different places and two broken ribs
Uraepicfail 0
Try having ur arm broke in 3 different places and two broken ribs
Ranimal 12
Either you need to find yourself a new girlfriend, or stop trying to make excuses for beating her, we know you did. Ahhh, just kidding, but really.
ilove3oh3 0
Hahah, dump her(:
Uraepicfail 0
agreed!!!
fthku 13
Give her a second black eye and force her to tell the truth. Unfortunately it would just be her previous false statement, which would then become the truth. You're stuck! And so am I. I'm used to giving the "kick him in the nuts" advice but that just won't work here.
StupidBunnySuit 0
The funny thing is that if she had told the truth, people would probably still suspect you of beating her. Ain't life just swell?
iheartdance 6
yeah that happened to me once. I was doing a jump which I accidentally landed hard on concrete and people think I was abused.