Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
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Top comments
batgirl_babygirl 0
just laugh at yourself dude, people like funny people...not lame ass liars
Cmliedtke 0
Whenever anyone tells those bullshit stories its so easy to tell theyre lying..
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Comments (79)
Monkeymolli 0
dork
Monkeymolli 0
yay #1!!! weeeeeeeee!!!!!
maa_rico 4
OP you are not fooling us either, i bet your girlfriend kicked your ass.
marriiee_fml 0
really? kicking a muggers ass? ..cant you say you fell down the stairs or something like any normal person.
KleenexWaffle 3
If he fell down the stairs he'd have a lot more than a bruised face. He should have used something like; 'So I was walking down the street the other day when I saw a puppy about to get run over by a car. I dove heroically onto the street saving the puppy's life! Then I tripped and hit my face on the sidewalk' It doesn't have to be believable as long as he doesn't let people know it was really because he's an idiot.
dolphincheddar 10
I'm going with 13. she probably beat the shit outta him and this is his try at sympathy while he cries in a corner. ydi for being a pussy
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
YDI for lying(: it's bad for you!
J0gby 0
yeah, it causes cancer:0
sterlingarcher 1
you don't have to yell, I don't have ear cancer!! ( Archer ) :)..
CherryBomb511 3
Haha 17, you made my night.
sterlingarcher 1
woo hoo! so you like archer?? .. lol
sterlingarcher 1
what a retard..
tsim_fml 0
hes not a retard, he was just unlucky
sterlingarcher 1
he's retarded for making up a lame story.. lol
tsim_fml 0
so you're going to just accept what happened and be like "i hit myself in the face with the door?" i dont think so
sterlingarcher 1
umm no .. I would think of a better story duh.. lol
tsim_fml 0
like...?
sterlingarcher 1
umm I dunno.. I'll have to think of something lol..
KleenexWaffle 3
He should have come up with something along the lines of; 'I was railing this chick in the bar washroom when, *BANG*. Smacked my head on the stall door'. Much more believable and he can save face in front of his friends. He still totally deserves it though.
sterlingarcher 1
haha.. lol.. and yes they do deserve it! :D
gotbiscuits 0
Archer, considering your appearance, we couldn't tell if you had a black eye. Is that what the glasses are for?
sterlingarcher 1
no.. I just love my sunglasses lol..
dre_bro11 12
50, I hope you were joking, but sunglasses aren't just worn for 'people with a black eye'.
sterlingarcher 1
I know right?? sunglasses are awesome and I was in the car that's why they are on.. lol
naughtia 14
temper temper
ceepevoy 0
Did a tampon just say "temper temper"?
tsim_fml 0
i was about to say "tampon tampon" but it wouldnt let me
scar97 0
I dot know whats more pathetic... the fact I wear an adult diaper or the fact I still shit myself...
Pokeemon 3
that's hot
scar97 0
why thank you;)
tsim_fml 0
probably the fact that you wear a diaper, i mean i shit myself all the time but atleast im enough of a man to do it in my own longjohns.
scar97 0
25- but when you smell like human feaces and I smell like lemony fresh adult diapers, well c who ppl like more. lawl
ryanriola 0
you wear adult diapers sucks for you.
scar97 0
34- ever heard of a joke?
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
sorry 34 hasn't XD
CitrusGirl 0
Or that your comment didn't pertain to the fml?
scar97 0
Actually, the person in the FML talked about how he didn't know what was more pathetic. so technically, my comment did have something to do with the post.
Soloman212 28
Yes. it has parallelism and similar sentence structure.
scar97 0
56 I can't tell if that's sarcasm, but if it's not, then thank you.
HamIsGood1234 0
so much fail in one FML..
0opsie 6
They know you're lying anyway.
Cmliedtke 0
Whenever anyone tells those bullshit stories its so easy to tell theyre lying..
batgirl_babygirl 0
I know right? op should enhance the fact he got beat up by a door and make it funny ..not be ashamed...that's what I would do.."you would not believe what I just did to myself ha ha...."
mintcar 10
Yeah because you totally kicked a muggers ass. Sounds all too believable.
Gator_Raid 0
This ain't no spongebob son!