Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because her father, who abandoned her before she was born and just reentered her life, doesn't approve. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
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Top comments
Mossears133 15
Hoo do you think you are, dropping your daughter like that!?
stevenJB 25
I hate you just because you said "cray"^
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Comments (140)
Mossears133 15
Hoo do you think you are, dropping your daughter like that!?
Bakarra 22
This fml was quite the hoot if you ask me!
Why_Not_Guy 9
Yes, but owl bet that his girlfriend doesn't agree
perdix 31
As a father, the OP showed very little talon-t.
TwiztedYuri 9
if only your daughter was a bass
ThatOneDrummer 8
Go home, 59. You're drunk!
Bakarra 22
I'm pretty sure 59 just dropped the bass...
HiIAmKevin 8
Well, this confirms it. Bitches are in fact CRAZY.
Bakarra 22
You know, like drop the ball?? C'mon guys work with me here
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Some of these puns are real hOWLers!
Shenanigans9 8
Some really uneggs-pected puns in this thread. Some really absbird ones as well.
yeti37 16
Make sure you remember to take your balls with you when you move out.
AKGirlinSD 20
98, OP has balls. If he didn't, he would have begged to stay with his now ex and be a better father to their stuffed owl.
Conner Dalbeck 15
I know who he is... he's hoo-dini
GetPuckedUp 3
hoo would so such a thing? you dodged a bullet, OP!
sens3sfailing 25
Obviously 3 posted at the same time as 2 and just shared an idea for a pun, don't get why the thumbs down
AKGirlinSD 20
68, it happens all the time. I'm usually the one to point out that the comments were posted literally at the same exact time and, usually, people lay off.
Serisent 26
Pretty sure that your girlfriend just did you a favor. Could you imagine what it would have been like if you'd let somebody else hold your hypothetical daughter?
countryrose92 23
It makes me curious if the girl is pregnant and wanted to see what he would do. Either way it's pretty weird.
wldd0g 9
I am wondering how she got hypothetically pregnant. Do you suppose they broke their hypothetical condom?
juliaannw 11
Youre better off, gave you a chance to find someone less crazy.
waterpolohezy 6
I second this. Seriously think about what your life would've been like if you ended marrying a girl who freaks out about you dropping a stuffed animal? Next thing you know she'll be freaking out about forgetting to take your imaginary dog to the vet, hiring a scarecrow for a babysitter, wake you up in the middle of the night to calm the imaginary screaming baby... Seriously she did you a favor... I mean really
harrypotter955 19
Well isn't she a hoot...
tacojauns 45
She just wanted to be owl alone
perdix 31
She can't eggs-pect you to be a good feather, maybe the nest guy will be.
Pleonasm 36
"You're a bastard, Harry!'
QQmore_fml 18
The owl(daughter) is a bastard, since she's now fatherless.
Pleonasm 36
It doesn't work like that.
Bakarra 22
The owl would have always been a bastard since OP wasn't married to the girl, not just now because they broke up
QQmore_fml 18
You are right, I'm sorry :(. The owl as always been a bastard! :,(
Bakarra 22
OP is also a bastard, just not in the literal sense like the stuffed owl. He shoulda been more careful with his inanimate objects...
Bakarra 22
I feel weird using the word "literal" when describing the parental status of a stuffed owl...
truesarrif 33
this would have been funny had you said featherless .. jus sayin.
lambda_fml 40
I think the Harry Potter reference has missed everyone.
Bakarra 22
Hagrid says "you're a wizard Harry" I know the reference but 19 took it in a different direction so I went with that
etchsanity1 11
You're a bastard, Harry .... Think its more of an old school and classic movie reference unless I miss the mark entirely.
countryrose92 23
I don't get the Harry reference at all, is it sad that I would like to request an explanation? Lol
ragini95 16
Now we know what really happened to Hedwig.
jemmers 13
Time to run
NewYorkMexPR 14
Bad parenting
FightMyLiger 19
How else do you teach your baby owl to fly? Sounds like Mom just has empty nest syndrome to me.
yoursucklives 36
she obviously took that "experiment" more seriously than you.
gc327072 31
hOwl you move on?
Grauncho 27
You're trying too hard.
gc327072 31
^you're trying too hard to be a smartass, apparently.