Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, at work I had to spend two hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
Shitty situation? Wait, no, that joke sucks. But look at it this way: At least you're a gentleman! And a jackass..
Miss_Lisaa 16
Man, you're a gentleman ! So cute to do that. :)
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Comments (168)
TKello 6
Awww, that's really sweet. Shitty, but sweet! :)
Fatalist_ 2
This could be tema to a new Bruno Mars song. Lyrics would be " babe i'll take a shit for you"
monagro 22
its your boss, that means it is more important he likes you, therefore you shouldn't have taken the hit.
Vaginabutter 15
wait, what! Girls dont poop!
perdix 31
You should have thrown your girlfriend under the bus. Now, your boss is going to think that you can't even manage your own shit, so why would he let you manage people?
DawnMarie11 0
I agree but it was sweet of him to take the fall. And if he gets fired for that, that would just be awful. He is a hero in the eyes of his girlfriend.
perdix 31
I doubt he'll get fired, but I do think it may affect his future. Maybe he'll be up for a promotion and the boss will pass him over thinking, "Something about him just doesn't smell right." Go Badgers!
Stallion91 6
Who takes a shit at your bosses house! Dump her shitty ass cheeks
SammySteel 6
When Nature calls, you have to go.
perdix 31
Women can put the call of Nature on hold almost indefinitely. Their power to do it borders on magical. Some women will only go to the bathroom at home, so they can hold pee and poop for hours until they get to the allowable toilet. If a girl you like seems odd at some point, she's probably been holding in a massive dump for 3 hours and won't be getting rid of it for two more! I'm so happy to be a guy who goes the moment the urge hits.
Daralea 21
If it's enough to clog a toilet chances are she'd been holding it for a while...or it was explosive.
loserman67 36
I must say I am impressed that your girlfriend, who I am sure is a delicate little thing can power dump and clog a toilet! What did she eat before hand? A wheel of cheese?
Joshoa123 16
That's love.
taybail 0
Hey that was nice of you to take the hit. She shouldve held her shit inside until after, if ya know wat i mean.
iwadasn 33
Why wouldn't we know what you mean? That phrase only applies when you're being somewhat ambiguous.
kodinbug 2
What a gentleman!! Your a great boyfriend:)