Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
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Top comments
PenguinBitch 44
Every poops. Don't feel bad, unless he's the type that thinks it's wrong when women fart and poop.
zombieslayer83 19
You must be down in the dumps.
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Comments (111)
PenguinBitch 44
Every poops. Don't feel bad, unless he's the type that thinks it's wrong when women fart and poop.
AssTard 15
Must resist...... Aggghhhh!!! I can not. *Everyone
PenguinBitch 44
Omg.... how did I miss the toilet on this one?! Hopefully it gets taken care of.
BlowinChronic 18
If he thinks it's wrong for women to do that then OP shouldn't worry about impressing him anyways. He's not worth her time.
ttqq 7
What are you talking about #1? Women don't fart.
da_directioner39 17
They don't poop either.
jheinz33 3
Olly Murs thinks it's wrong for girls to fart..
samasara 20
OP should be glad it was at her parents house, not his!!
AbstraktThoughts 13
OP must be stuck in a shi-*gets shot*
Jovecove 13
Poopping powerrrr
Mf2307 15
very true it would be more embarrassing at his house
zombieslayer83 19
You must be down in the dumps.
rvnclwprfct731 13
I see what you did there
BlowinChronic 18
We all do.
lilhellian 27
I don't.. Please enlighten me...
laya_fml 26
That was a crappy joke :)
Jumpingmal2 7
That was quite the shitty reply.
Tali147 16
Well that's a pretty crappy way to start things off. Ba dum tsss.
Catkam623 27
What a shitty way to impress the parents
happle 21
They were her own parents.
Catkam623 27
Sorry wrote that wrong was shitty way to impress the boyfriend ops parents I was really tired when I wrote that having just finished a soccer game.
kwyk 23
You must have just finished something extremely tiresome before writing that last comment...
tomhofer 14
Excuses never get the dishes done
sens3sfailing 25
Except if the excuse is, I'm paralyzed from the neck down. Then someone else has to do the dishes hence getting them done.
Spectre529 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ooh... Yeah that's gonna be tough to get out of that one
tru74igd 5
I kno thats real....
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
Oh don't worry everybody clogs the toilet now and then. Make some light hearted jokes about it, though preferably not at dinner.
laya_fml 26
That could be a disturbing dinner topic. "Oh, this meatloaf reminds me of a funny story. Remember that time I clogged the toilet. Speaking of which, can I have some more peas."
peniiis 8
Next time, flush while you're going so it won't get clogged! Sorry for the embarrassment though OP!
Pleonasm 36
Number of really bad puns about shit: 2 and counting.
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
God it's all down hill from here.
Pleonasm 36
Let's just wait for the "that's a shitty situation" comments.
BlowinChronic 18
I say we all thumb it up just so that person feels better about themselves and everyone is like "how the hell is that getting thumbs up?"
PenguinBitch 44
Why wait? You mentioned it already.
perdix 31
Hold on, has anyone seen my sunglasses? Oops, they are on my head! Sounds like a . . . never mind, the moment has passed.
13ky13 20
Well that's a shitty situation. There, done.
Pleonasm 36
Shitty puns level is approaching 9000! I keep scrolling down to see whe, eventually, shit will hit the fan, the standard for puns will go down the drain, and I will hit the poop deck.
rocker_chick105 31
What about "that looks like a bad shituation?" The number of shit puns is going through the roof
SPRKY 6
I got this one! Well, at least she didn't hold- *puts on sunglasses* Anything in... *leaves quickly*
sunkissedluster 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Seriously, doesn't anyone have decent parents on FML? That's just unnecessary and vulgar.
sugarlover1998 7
If they had decent parents, they wouldn't be on FML :P
DocBastard 40
Do you seriously not get the point of this site? It's called Fmylife.com, not Ihavegreatparents.com. If you can read, I'd strongly suggest skimming through the FAQ.
lowshadows 21
what kind of parents you have?
bushada 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I wonder if you're the girl who had a new boyfriend before even breaking up with me, thereby breaking my heart...
BlowinChronic 18
What makes you think it's her?
yellowchocobo 21
#25 it must be her, I mean, who else could it be..?
AllieCat21 21
Did she clog your toilet before she left you?
CharresBarkrey 16
She's a serial clogger!
vencku 13
She's probably very embarrassed afterwards, hence the breaking up so fast.
theballetdancer 5
If you're close enough to introduce him to your parents, you're close enough to know that both of you go to the bathroom.