Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, at work I had to spend two hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
Shitty situation? Wait, no, that joke sucks. But look at it this way: At least you're a gentleman! And a jackass..
Miss_Lisaa 16
Man, you're a gentleman ! So cute to do that. :)
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Comments (168)
kimmiekimmiekong 0
If ur boss gets that upset about it than he is the jack ass! Taking a shit is a normal thing and its not like "you" purposefully clogged his toilet! He will hopefully get over it!
saIty 17
I bet your girlfriend wanted to make love to you right on his dining table, after that noble act.
Buttsexpirate 9
She was all like 'Itook a shit and I don't know what to do' and I was all like 'Baby I'll take a shit for you any-day,' yep I'm the dude!
Meme1988 18
Haha! ;)
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
So did you get butt sex?
coolstorybro6969 6
She just have to pay you back when you get home ;)
Reality_bites 14
The saying "don't shit where you eat" comes to mind . . .
tayza249 20
That's sweet of you, don't get me wrong, but maybe you should have just let her own up to it? Your boss disliking your girlfriend isn't likely to affect your job, but if he doesn't like YOU.. Then yeah it's a bit of a problem.
rudegirlmania 10
Exactly. And I mean, how hard is it to not clog a toilet? Flush before it gets too full, it will probably take more than one flush but who gives a shit?? (haha) In the end, you won't have to stand in horror as your shit is expelled onto the floor. (and to those who might call flushing more than once a waste of water...I HOPE you don't take monster ***** often enough to actually affect anything) >_
HerWrongHole247 18
Some toilets flush really slowly, so if she dropped a big log in one push, nothing she could do about except break it in half with something she could find.
DocBastard 40
So after you plunged your girlfriend's shit, I hope you, uh, "plunged her shit" when you got home.
laden_swallow09 35
It was a stretch. Almost made it, but not quite.
DocBastard 40
Yeah, I thought I'd try the every1luvsboners route for a change. That was a bad experiment gone awry.
pistolpete01 9
You might be a Jackass, but your good jackass in my book >< you did the right thing =]
Lexxya 7
Nice to know good guys still exist!
kurlyfries222 0
Legen...wait for it
kurlyfries222 0
Dary!!! LEGENDARY