Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML
Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML
Today, after hanging out with my boyfriend’s group once, they’ve decided I’m a “prissy stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s perfect.” I’m not at all. They just engage in nothing but insults and self-deprecating “jokes” without any real conversation. Sorry for not putting myself down for amusement. FML
Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
Today, I was taking the subway home when some entitled fuck called me a "junkie", all because I'm long-haired and have my arms covered in tattoos. FML
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML
Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
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Top comments
Shrike 24
Here, lemme help: "An illiterate dumbass called ZacZ swaggered into the FML comments section, expecting to be praised for his ignorance of basic English words." Does that help?
buddy51 23
Your friends should remember the old adage that "whenever you point a finger at someone for being a "dumbass hipster" their other three fingers are pointing at themselves. Your friends are, at the very least, idiots. Good luck finding some better friends, OP, you need 'em!
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Comments (116)
chanellgymnast 17
Our generation is ridiculous. Everyone automatically makes an ass out of themselves for labeling people as "hipsters". Good Lord.
Bakarra 22
Misogyny? Yoose rill ingresh brah nt tht shit tht ownlee thoz damn hipsters yoose. #swagyolo420
ashe1004 7
You act like no one does that anymore... I know a large amount of people who don't prefer texting, or using electronics at all. This generation just has more things, so of course some of them are going to use it.
im_joking 11
If anyone remembers, there was a Pokemon move called swagger.. anyone else know what I'm talking about?
ComoEsJuan 24
I remember that it never worked effectively..
im_joking 11
Yeah I wanna say it was a ghost type but I could be wrong.. it's been a while since I've played! Best childhood memories
ComoEsJuan 24
...I played yesterday... I can't put Pokemon away!
im_joking 11
It does that to you man. It's like herpes, once you get it, it doesn't go away
greenfishbait 19
One of the most aggravating moves to have used against you I think.
RocketNinjaFish 12
I hate when opponents use that move, but I never use it myself.
HeadlessSparrow 20
You should have just swaggered away!
lilhellian 27
Op being rich while they're still working at McDonalds..
bReLiNg 18
What was the story? I'm curious...
Bakarra 22
I hate how bands from the 80s are always copying the lyrics of rap artists from today, like c'mon guys get some originality ffs
AnyaS 19
I'm somehow not surprised. NC has its fair share of people as dumb as grits. Two boys in college told me they thought evolution meant humans came from rocks. To quote OP, really now?
TrinityisLife 22
Actually, there's scientists trying to say we came from a primordial ooze that came from rocks billions of years ago. Someone linked me to a Wikipedia article about it a few years ago. I'm still shaking my head over it.
firefighter925 18
When our generation become grandparents its gonna be funny lol
Bakarra 22
Forsure bro they jockin on yo' swag no doubt. They gonna copy that shit and come out with some weird new thing called "swagger" and all their friends are gonna call them hipsters cuz that's how the world works now
broken20 2
*face palm* get new friends