Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML
Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML
Today, after hanging out with my boyfriend’s group once, they’ve decided I’m a “prissy stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s perfect.” I’m not at all. They just engage in nothing but insults and self-deprecating “jokes” without any real conversation. Sorry for not putting myself down for amusement. FML
Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
Today, I was taking the subway home when some entitled fuck called me a "junkie", all because I'm long-haired and have my arms covered in tattoos. FML
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML
Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
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Top comments
Shrike 24
Here, lemme help: "An illiterate dumbass called ZacZ swaggered into the FML comments section, expecting to be praised for his ignorance of basic English words." Does that help?
buddy51 23
Your friends should remember the old adage that "whenever you point a finger at someone for being a "dumbass hipster" their other three fingers are pointing at themselves. Your friends are, at the very least, idiots. Good luck finding some better friends, OP, you need 'em!
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Comments (116)
jelly713 19
Its amazing how ignorant people don't like to even remember or learn the roots of anything. Anything they're experiencing right now is the shit & whatever was before, is unoriginal, lame, annoying, nonexistent, etc. The reality is nearly everything we know has an origin, it didn't just happen over night. People just like to fight against being educated & prefer to believe they're right & that they know "everything". It's annoying to even argue with such people so don't take it personal, OP.
SwampNut 8
"Swagger" is just a retarded poser word, without regard to its etymology. So they are partly right.
fed_up_thespian 9
And you think swagger meams what, now?
fed_up_thespian 9
Balls. *ahem* 'means'.
_playswithfire 6
Get some smarter friends.
Moe2311 2
According to the Merriam Webster's Dictionary the term "swag" means stolen goods, and "swagger" means to strut. Just thought I'd put that out there.
EvilUndead 9
1. Buy the biggest paper dictionary you can find. 2. Hit people with it.
Moe2311 2
A guy after my own heart.
abbypoo 11
Is anyone else bothered by OP's improper comma placements?
NoOneLovesYou 13
which ones? they used commas once, and it was correctly used. or were you referring to the punctuation being outside the quotation marks? believe it or not, that IS the correct way! putting your punctuation in quotation marks, if the punctuation is not part of the quoted piece, is wrong. there are exceptions to this rule, of course, but in this context OP is the correct one. I'm bothered that you had the balls to claim to be bothered by correct english. if you're going to be a grammar nazi, learn the rules first. or, god forbid, just don't be a grammar nazi. you come off as an asshole, especially when being so condescending about it.
calucalay 13
She or He could be like me and never have a proper grammar teacher or was taken out of class repeatedly. Just saying at least she or he knows some vocabulary words
abbypoo 11
Actually Noononeloves you, OP missplaced two commas and a period, and in American English commas and periods always go within quotes, regardless of context. Good job being a hostile, belittling jerk, though.
hermitknut 22
I'm not going to argue the rest of the points, but, um: "American English". Since when was this site American? And since when is American the only correct form of English? - Brit Lit student who found nothing grammatically problematic with the post. Edit: I'm aware that OP is from America. But I still think my point stands.
UmbreonKirby 14
Heil Grammar in all of its complexity! *salutes*
ctdawes 3
I feel like it's more swaggets that say that than hipsters
MythsNLegends 10
Having a vocabulary and using it properly isn't for everyone i guess. It's like forgetting that a stiletto was a dagger before it was a shoe.
Xotoolyxo 16
I hate when people do that, they think they're top shit, when in reality they're really the dumbass's
motita69 5
All this time reading FML, and have not learned not to eat while reading these.
NurseJonathan 9
You must be new. Stick around and you will.