Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML
Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML
Today, after hanging out with my boyfriend’s group once, they’ve decided I’m a “prissy stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s perfect.” I’m not at all. They just engage in nothing but insults and self-deprecating “jokes” without any real conversation. Sorry for not putting myself down for amusement. FML
Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
Today, I was taking the subway home when some entitled fuck called me a "junkie", all because I'm long-haired and have my arms covered in tattoos. FML
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML
Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Shrike 24
Here, lemme help: "An illiterate dumbass called ZacZ swaggered into the FML comments section, expecting to be praised for his ignorance of basic English words." Does that help?
buddy51 23
Your friends should remember the old adage that "whenever you point a finger at someone for being a "dumbass hipster" their other three fingers are pointing at themselves. Your friends are, at the very least, idiots. Good luck finding some better friends, OP, you need 'em!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
geo332 5
You need new friends
MissSly 2
And then I swaggered in, slapped your friends out of the way, and became your new educated friend. With which you could discuss swanky walking and pirate terminology!