Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML
Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML
Today, after hanging out with my boyfriend’s group once, they’ve decided I’m a “prissy stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s perfect.” I’m not at all. They just engage in nothing but insults and self-deprecating “jokes” without any real conversation. Sorry for not putting myself down for amusement. FML
Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
Today, I was taking the subway home when some entitled fuck called me a "junkie", all because I'm long-haired and have my arms covered in tattoos. FML
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML
Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
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Top comments
Shrike 24
Here, lemme help: "An illiterate dumbass called ZacZ swaggered into the FML comments section, expecting to be praised for his ignorance of basic English words." Does that help?
buddy51 23
Your friends should remember the old adage that "whenever you point a finger at someone for being a "dumbass hipster" their other three fingers are pointing at themselves. Your friends are, at the very least, idiots. Good luck finding some better friends, OP, you need 'em!
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Comments (116)
zilla52 12
hipsters hang out with other hipsters. just sayin
Odyy_fml 7
I remember the days when 'swag' meant a cool bunch of stuff you could get from a contest / event / website / etc.
lashes_to_ashes 14
Au contraire. 'Swag' came from 'swagger', not the other way around. Who are the dumb asses now?
spottyblanket 8
Show them a dictionary.
Tpracingkg 15
I agree with your friends %100
kyu_Q 19
In ten years I think things will be very sad. 1)The current generation is bastardizing the language. I understand language evolves but words like conversate and irregardless annoy me to no end. Few know the difference between your and you're and I have even seen now used instead of know and it NOT a typo. Stop dumbing everything to make it easier for people who are too lazy yo make the effort the learn what the correct thing is. 2) most see cursive writing as an artfrom and are in awe when the see it. I was writing that was at 8. The average handwriting today looks like a chicken got into some ink and danced across a page. 3) who knows how low or tight the pants will get. Maybe they will revert to the days when men wore stalkings or hose 4) most people 'wait for the movie to come out' few people actually read anymore. And books are even more accessible than ever. 5) there will be more functional illiterates running around with less common sense than a brick. And that just my top five. If someone cell phone dies they can't call their parents or spouse because they don't k ow the number. Thankfully 9-1-1 is as easy as it is
kyu_Q 19
Damn should have double checked for errors
Ziggy122 15
I'll bet they think "YOLO" is a word.
Miz_Firebrand 3
Perhaps they should look it up. In the meantime you should find some real friends to spend your time with.
ccsballazdre 8
But... Swaggered is a word?
nerdsgetmehot 23
Yes, it is very much a word and existed long before the term "swag" came about.