Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
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Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
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Comments (296)
ACDCfan 0
You idiot, it's the sock that's flammable. Semen is though.
TryToBeKind 0
Flamable and inflamable mean the same thing. So in other words, your friend MAY have been saying that semen CAN catch fire. Here is why the two seemingly opposite words mean the same thing: Flamable = able to catch a flame. Inflamable = able to become inflamed. Does that make sense? Oh, and it's possible it was your SOCK that caught on fire, not the semen. Hm. and I guess if you wanted to, you could have put some semen on a cookie sheet and tried to set it on fire - that would have at least made it a bit safer.
psychedelia3 0
You idiot. Definitions of inflammable on the Web: flammable: easily ignited wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inflammable Capable of burning; easily set on fire; Easily excited; set off by the slightest excuse; easily enraged or inflamed en.wiktionary.org/wiki/inflammable inflammability - The condition of being inflammable en.wiktionary.org/wiki/inflammability Capability of a combustible material to ignite easily, burn intensely or have rapid rate of flame spread. Also see Flammable. www.usg.com/Glossary.do gas or liquid able to ignite, explode or have adverse effect on humans or animals.
XspennyX 0
WHY THE **** DO YOU BEAT OFF IN A SOCK?! your the second person i now know of to do so. only other person is my friend Justin...doesnt it chafe?
doof_fisch 2
Hey -- I jack off in a sock -- but I don't slip the sock on until right before I cum.
silvrdollr 0
Respectfully, sir, you're an idiot.
froggy123000 0
Well, even with the stupid confusion aside, why would you think that a sock wouldn't be flammible?
gamersearch1 0
you completely can't go with that because the sock would flame up no matter what.... very stupid idea...
mollythestd14 0
d.u.m.b.s.h.i.t. funny, but really?
lilmisskissmyass 0
IT WAS PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU LIT THE SOCK ON FIRE, NOT THE ACTUAL SEMEN.
cmob17 0
hahahahahahaha...moron.....best of luck to the rest of you life idiot..lol