Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
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Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
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Comments (296)
kkkkaren 0
.. ew
Ranajet 0
You're either lying or an idiot. Or both. Inflammable means that it catches fire easily.
pinelotiile 0
DUDE, jack onto a non-flammable surface!!!
Angry_Dad 0
LMAO Inflammable and flammable are pretty much the same thing! Oh, and why were you jacking off with your mom in the room? Ohh well. I'm guessing she ran into the room when she heard you panic, or maybe smelled the fire. But this sounds too disastrous to be real.
forsberg21 0
....only in rhode island. by the way this story sounds im going to presume your from johnston? thats a pretty idiotic town
widad_xoxo 0
gosh thats soooo disgusting ur credibly stupid
Saucy_sassy 0
Heeeeelll naaah... This has got to be one of the funniest fmls out there... I mean seriously, picture sum dude swingin cum n the air!!! PRICELESS!
BlackScorpionAng 0
I comfort myself in knowing that the semen wasn't used in a reproductive way. Dude, please for the love of all humanity, keep setting your semen on fire...use gasoline if you need too....just never...ever use it to reproduce your own kind. The world has enough stupid people slinging around hot cum...seriously...it does.
HELLOASHLEYLYNN 0
"slinging around hot cum" that's probably the grossest thing i've heard in a while. lol
jenlaw23 0
Okay first of all idiot, the sock is flamable second of all IDIOT