Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
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Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
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Comments (296)
El_Oh_El 0
YDI. I don't really believe the semen all over the room thing though, how much can you jack out anyway?
CozmicAshes 0
you ever seen freaksofcock.com ?
CozmicAshes 0
god all of you are stupid he says semen is very much NOT inflammable which means he saying it is not flammable so he know what he is saying and that the thing burning was his sock and he is just retarded for trying it
santiluvins09 0
NOT INFLAMABLE IS A DOUBLE NEGATIVE DUMBASS
zzyzzyxx 0
You caught it! So did #57. I think you'll find his other observations rather astute as well. But here's an informative graphic, just for you, courtesy of Maddox, which shows how far you have to go to not sound like an idiot. http://maddox.xmission.com/keyboard4.jpg
dumbasspricks 0
First off maybe #231 needs to help you too. Not inflammable is definitely not a double negative since the prefix in- is not negative. Here, let me simplify it for you: not inflammable = not flammable. Okay? Also, everyone who keeps stating the flammable and inflammable is the same and that the guy is a moron, first off, get another synonym for moron, and secondly, WE UNDERSTAND THAT FLAMMABLE AND INFLAMMABLE IS THE SAME THING. By the way, I hope #231 is proud of me. Oh, and you spell inflammable, well inflammable, not inflamable. Thank you.
avoid567 0
lmao uhh.. maybe you thought the semen wouldn't be flammable..but did you ever think maybe the SOCK WOULD BE?
myfairyoshi_fml 0
# 231 you win! Man, I love grammar.
More_Nonsense 0
It's also impossible to bob your head back and forth with your mouth open.
wrestling49 0
i cud never jack of in a sock
doof_fisch 2
why not? It's convenient and stimulating.
DaelLittle 0
Inflammable means that the gases an object produces can catch fire. Idiot.
Tamerlan 0
Heeeey, you know, if you take shit before you go to sleep, and than rub some of that shit around your nose and sleep like that, an angel is going to visit you. Why don't you try it out? At least, you won't get semen around your room...
dumbasspricks 0
hahah. nice
DSuarez94 0
it was the sock that was on fire not the semen