Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
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Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
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Comments (296)
mnell 0
Ahahah. Ahahahah. Ahahahahahahahahhahah. GJ. I respect that you posted it on FML, though. Takes guts.
Roxas_fml 0
You've got balls of fire, dude.
ciaobella_fml 0
Wow i found this so funny. I think I laughed at this for 3 minutes lol, ok im lame hehe. but wow who would do that. YDI
ShenziSixaxis 0
You should've known the sock was flameable. Although, FYL for all the semen on the walls. And probably ceiling. And floor. And belongings...
Schadenfreude20 0
Inflammable means flammable? What a country!
Jackthestripper 0
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SERIOUS!?! HAHAHA THAT'S GOLDEN!!
stringoffail 0
Are you trying to say "non-flammable"? Inflammable means "Able to be inflamed." Which is to say "Flammable." Semen might not burn right away (until the heat boils the moisture and the proteins start to burn), but cotton will burn. How come these stupid FMLs make it on the front page, but mine never do. Lame.
stringoffail 0
Another detail that makes me think this is a short work of fiction: Semen inside of a sock, or even on the outside a sock is viscous enough to stay put, even if you're flinging a sock fairly hard, especially since once you blow your load into the sock, it starts absorbing liquid right away. Now THAT'S an experiment you should try. Trying to fling semen off a non-burning sock.
Coffee_Kaioken 0
I'm just going to say this made me laugh my ******* ass off. Rather than chiding him. Good work, OP.
jack01 0
inflammable means it can be set of fire, and nonflammable means that it can't be set on fire. Also, a sock is flammable, so even if you put something nonflammable in there, it would still catch of fire. therefore, YDI for being a complete idiot.