Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Shock98 0
why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?
marrajane 0
You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (296)
HPluver 0
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Everyone does stupid shit somtimes! but that had got to be the dumbest of all!! but so very funny!
easternbelle 0
I was waiting to see how long it would take before someone suggested that.
LiziiBBY 0
that was ******* dumb. wouldn't you have thought the sock is flammable too?!?! dumb ass.
bridgetoparadise 0
This arises many questions in my mind. 1. Why do men jack off into socks? 2. Does the OP know what inflammable means? If so, did he think the sperm would catch fire and burn up, or ignite like kerosene? If not, did he think semen was somehow immune to catching on fire? 3. He was so "excited" that he lit a fire? 4. Did the OP think the sock, soaked with semen, had been made flame-retardant? OR, did he think the semen would make the sock light up like some kind of sparkler, thus why he was excited? 5. Why did he wave the sock around to stop the fire? Shouldn't you stomp something out when it's on fire, or cover it with a blanket, or pour water on it, or do almost anything but wave it around? Answers to these mysteries will be greatly appreciated.
chea234234 0
umm hun inflammable means relatively the same thing as flammable.. it can be lit on fire. Learn your vocab and maybe you won't get into situations like these
apathyisbetter 0
Has anyone else seen the words 'inflammable' and 'flammable' way too much, yet?
aka_candy6 3
yeah...you're an idiot.
swagmonkey 0
"Flammable" and "inflammable" mean basically the same thing. There are two "in" prefixes which are spelled the same. One means the same as "non-", or "un-", the opposite of what the word would mean without the prefix. The other is related to the stand-alone preposition "in", as in "inflammable", able to burst INTO flame. Why both words exist in the English language is beyond me, but since they do, might as well learn what they mean. :-p
Hjelloo 0
Pseudo intellectuals in here sure like restating things said hundreds of comments ago.
testing_fml 0
Semen is mostly water so no it is not flammable. However, the sock is very flammable.
lilywho 0
inflammable and flammable mean the same thing...