Today, I cracked an egg which turned out to have an extremely thin shell, so at first contact with the bowl, it came apart in my hand and the contents glooped right through my fingers, all the way down the kitchen cabinet, into a half-open drawer, as well as onto the floor and underneath the cabinet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Today, I wanted to test my baking skills by making a soufflé. The recipe said to beat the egg whites until stiff peaks formed. I beat them so vigorously that the mixer launched out of the bowl and left a trail of egg whites across the kitchen. I now have egg whites on the ceiling. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I woke up earlier to food prep for lunch later. Just as I was preparing the ingredients, I dropped a thick glass saucer on the kitchen counter and it shattered like a hail storm - everywhere in the kitchen. I ended up spending more time cleaning it out and obviously logged in to work later than usual. FML
Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML
Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML
Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML
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Top comments
Bogrbon 27
And that is why you don't cook right over a half-open drawer. Well that, and the fact that flour, crumbs and any number of other things fall into a half-open drawer.
RichardPencil 32
I see you're from Germany and wanted to thank you for eggs-plaining your story in English. Our language has many eggs-cellent egg puns and it's eggs-tremely easy to make them. Some might say over easy. Sit back and wait on all the great yolks!
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Comments (4)
Bogrbon 27
And that is why you don't cook right over a half-open drawer. Well that, and the fact that flour, crumbs and any number of other things fall into a half-open drawer.
RichardPencil 32
I see you're from Germany and wanted to thank you for eggs-plaining your story in English. Our language has many eggs-cellent egg puns and it's eggs-tremely easy to make them. Some might say over easy. Sit back and wait on all the great yolks!
ahabsfan 17
A fine egg-sample of egg puns. You crack me up. You may have scrambled the poor guy’s understanding of the Egg-lish language though. Hopefully it’s a sunny side up day in Germany.
BurnInDemonFire 39
I see Sam and Ella paid you a visit. Nobody wants to see those assholes.