Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter decided to let out a loud fart in the middle of a quiet church service. FML
Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
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Top comments
Jakesterk96 8
Bend down? How tall do you think a 4 year old is?
Lexiloulynn 2
I wonder why he bit your butt in the first place...
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Comments (234)
poseidon5213 2
kids so the darnest things!!!
amyrules99 7
How churchy of you...
drumrgonewild 2
He bit your butt?!? Wow....
jsunder 0
Well that sucks haha
otisnme94 14
That's why you don't waste time going to church
ViviMage 40
The little butt-munch!
CoriCat 25
You curse and you go to church..? Guess they all know the real you now.
thatguynamedsky 32
surprised you didn't moan ;)
shotgun_girl 17
Why is your first instinct to curse at your kid? And people wonder why 3-4yr olds swear.