Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, two days after losing my temper with my smart mouthed 7 year-old son and slapping him across the face, I tried to apologize by buying him a treat and telling him if anyone found out, I would get in trouble. Today, I got a call from social services about the "bruise" on his face. FML
Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML
Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML
Today, my boss slapped me on the ass and said, "Good work, princess." FML
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Top comments
StopDropNRoll 11
Sounds like a great conversation starter!
iknowimawesome 13
"He did the same to me."- OP's wife.
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Comments (187)
MizzErikaHart 8
that's hilarious!
imustbeinsane 2
I know and it had to be a Sharpie of all things lol
whybother8 0
Now your boss is gonna make u take your punishment up the butt..
Ugi 27
Hope you enjoy your punishment in the butt - looks like you're going to jail!
jizzwold 21
That's a sticky situation! …No? Ok.
FarSide 23
Well OP... perhaps if your little rugrat had not drawn a massive picture of your **** and balls poking his little butt, you could have explained it away.
YourEvilHero 12
somewhere pedobear is smiling
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Just tell him "Haha, my so drew on the wall today so I spanked him" it's not like like your actually did anything wrong... Right..? >__>
MissFukMyLuck 0
too far 38. I at least found it a little offensive.
lyndz_20 8
That's just sick #38, you sound like a pedo
CattyPurry 0
sheesh OP, your son was just "Uncapping what's inside." :(
tatababe 1
Your boss maybe now afraid of you ps OP don't be surprised if the FBI break down your door and arrest you for acts of pedophile
lovvee123 0
hahahaha yea ! lmao
Justine94_x 31
Aha I actually laughed at this fml.:')
Jovecove 13
Awkward to the max!
TheHoboWerewolf 0
#9's comment = Win!
number0 8
Your kid already knows how to sing "What what (in the butt)!" Now you just need to buy him those fabulous pink slippers he has been dying to wear.
highlandrabbit 1
haha. tht is a classic song. he shuld know it. haha
highlandrabbit 1
"what what in the butt"
highlandrabbit 1
He should know tht song. It is a classic. Haha
enonymous 9
Can I borrow the sharpie for a minute?... You may want to get your belt or hand ready... Maybe a nice paddle too
juicedboi 7
-177 I have a bunch on sharpies here. Come make a masterpiece on my wall while I grab the whips and chains. Hmm, I wonder where I can find a gimp juggling midget.
enonymous 9
198- he's on vacation for 3 weeks. You want Peggy. He's from Russia and has 3 peg legs... Guess which is the 3rd peg leg. His number is 867 5309
jacob12311 4
#135s comment = FAIL!
dolphincheddar 10
Does Peggy make you take punishment in the bum? I hope he used extra wood varnish on the 3rd one. I heard ass slivers aren't fun
Imrussian24 2
Thank you 209 for ruining that song for me forever...
sandi315 0
25 if u were never spanked as a child your spoiled. When my parents spanked me I usually never do what I did again.
enonymous 9
Cheddar I shivered his timbers with some mineral oil.
green_eggs_and_h 0
250-I was never a bratty child who required spanking, so I was never spanked either. Doesn't make me spoiled because my dad never slapped my ass...
MyScrewedUpLifeS 0
boss: WHAT WHAT? kid: In the butt!
My_Name_Is_ 5
*gasp* Forshame!!!
cimh 9
I agree! I think I got spanked about 3-5 times when I was a child (at least what I remember) and those things I made sure to never do again. When I got older my parents were safe to trust me not to do stupid things anymore...on the other hand my friends who always got the "cuddle-punishment" they did not - or still don't know - when to stop!
AaronTkr 0
I'd like to give #1 punishment in the butt.
Friaza 29
Child abuse is disgusting and people who hurt children to teach them should just go curl up and die.
Rosalie_Haostn 0
lol a spanking isn't child abuse, it's a small tap on the hand or behind that tells you not to do something again. Beating a child relentlessly IS child abuse though. Now not disciplining a child is child abuse too, because if they don't learn then it's the parents fault when they do something stupid (that gets them injured or killed)that they should have learned not to do a long time ago as a child. for dome kids pleasant talk is not enough. lol the approach is always different. And you'll never know til you actually have kids....
IHaveThePower 18
Having worked extensively with kids, I favor the more useful methods of 'don't leave small children unsupervised with crayons or markers'. It actually works, whereas spankings just make kids aggressive and sneaky, statistically speaking.
StopDropNRoll 11
Sounds like a great conversation starter!
purplecowchik 5
What what in the butt!!
ReptarSwag 4
Facebook these days....
rixxy24 0
msg me bk wi answers pls...u said u will. ps.. 4got fml
I_lost_the_game 25
What's Facebook got to do with this?
Matrixuniverses 13
conversation about shrek. would be true
Justforlolz 14
Gotta love kids.
iSitt 0
your boss secretly envies your willingness to spank yur kid.
Federgirl 19
#3 I totally agree!
Nezumi04 20
Thats why I won't have any. The little ***** just cost me time and money.
rbubbles 20
You have some explaining to do lol
iheartbewbies 0
So how many inches was the object?
regsworld11 2
That Mario in your picture is quite ugly!
strainer04 8
fail
reallytho3 11
U killed it...
ThatChamp 2
Your an immature loser
PopRocks14 0
His picture does go along with his comment though..
atthegates 0
Hahahahahahaha brutal joke
partyfool2011 4
You mean his hand? Around 7 maybe?
djlolo1129 0
nasty dude
iheartbewbies 0
209 dislikes and growing! New record? I think so.
tylersign 11
Nope. I've seen 1400 or so.
CrAzYyEt 8
Haha revenge is a bitch
PeachyJinx 7
Lmmfao! *dies*
gunmania0 12
Well which is worse? The face or the butt? 'Daddy made me take my punishment in the face!'
nixter5 18
butt, definitely.
Jovecove 13
Obviously in the butt douche.
getviolated 5
why is that even a question it's obviously the butt. unless of course you don't get it, which is likely.
Turner_22 0
Actually, 150, I don't think YOU get it.
hellogoodbye1996 6
Everyone who thumbed 150 down didn get it.
Brooklyn575 0
I'm betting he/she doesn't XD wow!
ohshit1 0
Fail...
iknowimawesome 13
"He did the same to me."- OP's wife.
Sun_Kissed18 25
awkward... there's no recovery for that
regsworld11 2
That's so funny, and cute at the same time!