Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML
Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML
Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML
Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML
Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML
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Top comments
ciarafox9 9
It's like a double rainbow..
NEEPLES 7
Be careful. I heard that species can have rabies.
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Comments (185)
2ndSucks 15
Aw, kids. They do the cutest things.
GoingCommando93 14
Can you say zombie? He's the kind that vomits on the survivors! Go for the head!
bubble25_fml 5
Rule #2: Double Tap.
ALpein 0
Better nut up or shut up.
billigoat 8
Hmmm... Are you sure he just didnt have rabies?
fatgirllovesfml 0
Well you chose daycare, as much as it sucks you should have expected that when you chose that career path;)
SolanumX 6
Anyone else thinking this is eerily similar to both the modern idea of a zombie attack like 23 said and/or the pack execution in Dead Space 2?
guitarplayer546 0
No I am sorry no one goes into having a daycare where the children are going to bite your face then laugh so hard they throw up on you. This is not just "one of the days" she thought about before starting the daycare.
DynamicDave 11
And somewhere there is a fetish **** site just like this.
Mahomie123 0
I literally laughed out loud at this FML
zachherbert 10
I laughed so hard I puked.
hinchkongfang 0
Did the child vomit up the piece of face it just bit off?? Bloody chunder!!
ohmandapants 17
Just in time for Halloween...
primadonna9396 16
I think the little bastard needs an exorcism...
ciarafox9 9
It's like a double rainbow..
Reign_fml 3
All the way across the sky
margie2194 12
That kid is a failed abortion. Lol.
Streeet_hayley 6
29- too far..
nalia18 8
Double rainbow all the way acroos the sky YA YAAAAAAAA Double rainbow cross the sky WOW WOW OHH MY GOSH look at that rainbow
ak4608 8
I don't know what the hell rainbows your seeing...
You_Need_Soap 6
OMG, what does it mean? It's so beautiful! ~sob~
margie2194 12
I was just kidding. Sorry if I offended anyone.
MagicallyFat 12
125 damn straight you were just kidding. But anyways this is one of the reasons I'm just getting a dog when I get older
iam_yummylicious 12
29's comment may have gone too far, but I still laughed. I'm a horrible person :(.
robertlovespi 3
Haha that's sort of cute and sort of creepy at the same time. Maybe the next star of American Horror Story?
killak41 9
Second that motion^^
kewlkate 9
No, he's obviously going to be a very well wanted serial killed one day.
MoonRocks 5
Canadian... It would be Canadian horror story.
SabakuOokami 0
Lmfao so adorable
X_Codes 11
I hope that's sarcasm. I really hope that's sarcasm. If that's not sarcasm, I'd have to grab you by both shoulders, shake you violently, and scream "WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" This isn't adorable! Kid needs to learn to behave himself.
13FTW 9
But, 21, how do you REALLY feel?
skullcandifiedDJ 5
how the hell does a kid even reach your face??? you must be like 3 feet tall...
RadikulRam 16
Or seated.
Daralea 21
So ...if I bite your face and puke on you the first thing your would do is look at me and say "awwwww! so adorable?"
Reign_fml 3
What color was it?
JennyBear101 0
Okay gross...
The_Instigator 11
Awww, that means he likes you.
cupcakesnpot 9
This FML just about sums up why I cannot stand children.
syfool 4
Cuz you were actually born 28 years old right?
JennyBear101 0
Or the kid deeply hates u....
Livencountry 5
Demented ass little kid.
Michael_Kelso 0
Sociopaths start young It seems.
NEEPLES 7
Be careful. I heard that species can have rabies.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Neeples, did you let your oompa loompas out to reproduce...? I thought you knew better.
yadisingh 5
YUMMY
kaywalovestoflip 7
That's a story to tell your kids someday!