Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, I have to spray the kitchen whenever my new roommate cooks. Not only can he not cook, but what he usually makes is some godawful concoction of ramen noodles, canned tuna, Tuna Helper, and Ranch dressing for himself. The stink alone is enough to make me choke, but he smokes the entire time he makes it. FML
Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML
Today, my roommate said that whoever was doing the dishes was doing it wrong. I've been doing the dishes for weeks. So much for being a clean roommate. FML
Today, I had to be the asshole who finally told one of our friends that his wife can't cook. This was after she tried to make fajitas using a third-rate premade sauce and processed ham, burned it, and stank up the entire house. He seemed shocked when we all agreed; he thought it was good. We all facepalmed. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
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Top comments
alpaquette91 9
Did you know, a temp of 165 or higher is best for poultry... Oh and cook for your self he isn't your mother.
AugustBurnsToast 14
I bet they also tell you that it's okay to eat mushrooms from your backyard.
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Comments (113)
alpaquette91 9
Did you know, a temp of 165 or higher is best for poultry... Oh and cook for your self he isn't your mother.
alpaquette91 9
Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk.... Your*
Tawny_Anarchy 0
Well when you live with a roommate you're supposed to share cooking responsibilities, teach his/her ass to cook OP.
charlieohcharlie 12
Seems like OP isn't that much of a cook either, seeing how he himself didn't know you should never eat chicken medium-rare.
williamcarter93 13
sometimes roommates cook and share the food with the other. I have before. Doesn't mean he doesn't cook for himself. However, who would believe you can eat bleeding chicken?
burningpassion69 6
Idiot the minimum internal temp for poultry is 180F to 185F
alpaquette91 9
Oh 59 I'm so sorry for you. I know living each day is an enormous chore, keep up the hard work buddy. No go run and play while the adults have grown up time.
JadeWalker 14
165
burningpassion69 6
I have worked in a kitchen for years and if you cut the chicken open when it's 165F there will Still be pink in the middle hence why it needs to be at least 180F minimum 185F preferred. What people don't understand is that beef and poultry have two very different internal temps beef 165F if its not groumd up in to hamburger and chicken is always 180F or higher
mariselita93 7
Pardon me, but it suposed to be 165F according to the ServeSafe Guide... If you cook it 'till 180-185F I think you are over-cooking it ;) just saying
alpaquette91 9
I also work in a kitchen, in my own restaurant, and chickens internal temp has to be minimum 165 degrees, by OSHA standards though it can be higher such as 185 degrees but that is more acceptable for a whole chicken instead of a chicken breast or fillet. Oh, and I went to four years of culinary school and interned for an additional 2 years. So please don't correct me. I am finished this discussion.
burningpassion69 6
Ok I stand corrected I got the breast and whole chicken mixed up my apologies
dmmcintyre3 8
Get a new roommate.
Idonebeenhad 17
Or a cookbook
rubberduckie94 13
More like get a brain. What person over ten does not realize partially raw chicken can make you very sick if not kill you. Ydi to op for being beyond dumb.
Dilwann 27
^ Why does he get so many thumbs up? It's the roommate that screwed up, not OP.
AugustBurnsToast 14
I bet they also tell you that it's okay to eat mushrooms from your backyard.
LookOnBrightSide 12
3-The psilocybin type are so magical, though. I ate some mushrooms from my backyard once with Gandalf and Dumbeldore. What a great experience, but I realized that one does not simply trip into Mordor.
BubbleGrunge 18
It's not ok....? ;)
upsidedownfrownn 5
WHAT!!! How come no one told me this before now????
anelelabel 6
Cook for yourself in future. And him. It's worrying if he keeps cooking to himself.
callofdutyking 3
So if your the iron chef of America just cook yourself and stop bitching about your roomate's cooking
coried91 28
Because not wanting to get food poisoning is trying to be the next iron chef. Asshole
LunaDragon 10
5 *you're, and how is Op supposed to, cook themselfs? Lol.
Cynical_in_SK 6
5 - YOU'RE not just an asshole...YOU'RE a stupid asshole!
Angitia 8
35, themselves*. Learn this shit yourself before you correct others.
LunaDragon 10
The one time autocorrect would of saved me pff, well that's what I get for fml'ing at work. Oh well, looks like you got me 43... This time.
middlecyclone 5
*would have
Wizardly01 6
43, how about you learn before you correct other people asshole.
alexowitz 8
Yum, the taste of salmonella in the morning....
ambamm135 7
*initiating sarcasm font*But it's chicken not salmon!
benhd1 14
In the future use the Sarc Mark or use before the phrase and at the end of the sarcastic phrase
br0ccoli 15
"Mmm salmonella. It's my favorite type of fish."
flawrblah 0
And I'm sure that green stuff on the cheese is just fine.
simonsaysYDI 8
-cuts green part off- All better. :)
seij_fml 12
it depends on the cheese.
upsidedownfrownn 5
Your picture made me laugh..
WCARlover 35
I'm confused why that works for steak but not chicken...if you're old enough to have a roommate though, you should definitely be old enough to know chicken needs to be fully cooked :p
alpaquette91 9
Because chicken carries e coli... So you have to cook it all the way through to kill bacteria steak does not, though it can be contaminated, that's why you have to only ( if you wish) cook the out side. Hamburger doesn't carry it either but, due to it being ground up and mixed the contamination now is through out the raw burger, this resulting in having to cook the entire burger.
WCARlover 35
Ooh thanks for not just being a dick and actually explaining it haha. I understand now
alpaquette91 9
Cheers!
Cynical_in_SK 6
14 - You're explanation is all good except for the type of pathogen involved. Chicken carries salmonella not e. coli.
MattZAX 9
I like WCAR too .-.
alpaquette91 9
45- Oh, my apologies, though there have been cases where e coli has also been found in chicken, but thank you for your candor.
ycrem0n 21
Yummy.. now throw it on his face.