Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML
Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML
Today, on my one day off from working in a bakery, my dad asked me to bake him a cake. I refused as I’m exhausted and didn’t want to bake. He then informed me it’s “not my choice” if I bake cakes or not, and if I want to keep living rent free in his house, I’ll “bake the fucking cake.” FML
Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML
Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML
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Top comments
GirlYouNasty 11
Just tell him it's decaf.
Batterypost 23
Actually, most hamburgers are 100% beef, while ham is pork. The more you know.
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Comments (169)
strawberrywine22 30
Actually, I sell a homemade coffee cake in my restaurant and it is made with coffee. We use 6 tablespoons of instant coffee per batch of 12 2x3 cakes.
whiterabbit420 4
23- just because your restaurant does it that way doesn't mean it's common practice. I consulted a couple of my baking books and not one of the recipes contained coffee.
xStaciexLynnx 15
57- Just because your recipe books don't have it doesn't mean it's not common practice. (Just thought since you were acting like a know it all I'd turn it around on you.)
challan 19
I add instant coffee grounds to all of my chocolate baked goods and coffee cake as well. Bakers secret.
whiterabbit420 4
64- I consulted professional texts. If the advanced professional pastry chef doesn't say coffee cake has coffee, I'm inclined to think that well... It doesn't have coffee 71- I add espresso to all my chocolate things also, because chocolate already has caffeine, I don't put it in my crumb/coffee cake.
AliceLockehart 18
I guess some people could use coffee essence, kinda like using vanilla essence instead of vanilla beans. Just a thought :).
comment11111 39
that's what I thought - naturally, the is coffee in coffee cake.
strawberryspacejam 11
Hey! hamburgers are 1000% ham!
ChickInGreenVans 12
Okay..Whatever makes you sleep at night..
strawberryspacejam 11
yeah way to read sarcasm kid
lonkite101 14
Than someone doesn't get coffee cake!
pexy_fml 16
Huh ?!
ManInTheMachine 20
OP buy coffee cake. Father-in-law no have caffine. Caffine bad for father-in-law. No coffee in coffee cake. Hope I helped.
pexy_fml 16
Thank you Ur comment made laugh a lot :D
pexy_fml 16
It's the hamburger that confused me Coz hamburger has ham in it it ddnt make sense otherwise it would be a chicken burger or fish-burger or whatever is in it
Roflsauruz 12
Caffeine***, 34. :) 73- No. No actual HAM in the burger. He was referring to its name (HAMburger). It's made out of beef.
MrFuzzles 5
Tell you what, send me the coffee cake and I'll eat all of it!
Dallasluver19 14
Your father in law is an idiot.
xcrazymonkey32x 0
And his mother in law smelled of elder berries
MuseFan1991 14
59- so where does the hamster come into it? O.o
menacingsprite 3
Coffee cake actually does have coffee in it and the guy that said carrot cake doesn't have carrots in it is a dodo. Carrot cake doesn't crunch because the carrots get cooked and become soft.
whiterabbit420 4
42--- most coffee cakes are a plain pound cake topped with cinnamon-ish crumble.... And I've never seen one with coffee unless it was advertised as "coffee flavored coffee cake".
devore504 7
like it matters they are both gross
menacingsprite 3
All the recipes I use for coffee cake have had coffee in them. Some cakes are meant to eat with coffee and are misleadingly called coffee.
perdix 31
Coffee cake is bullshit! It's false advertising. When you need that caffeine lift, it's a rip-off that coffee cake has none. It's like a stoner eating pot roast and getting no high! Tell the old dude his son just teabagged you, even though you didn't consume any tea . . . then give him a wet, sloppy kiss.
j_cat187 20
I love pot roast!
comment11111 39
great comment
lilacgold 16
Coffee cake can have coffee in, and tea cake can have tea in, and a carrot cake isn't a carrot cake unless it has carrots in. If it tastes of coffee, it usually contains coffee, though not usually in sufficient amounts to give a caffeine high...
stewpididiot 11
Sponge cake however......
lilacgold 16
I said it CAN have coffee, not that it always does - the term coffee cake can refer to coffee flavoured cake, which usually contains coffee, and cake intended to be eaten with coffee, which usually doesn't. Read the comment before raging about it.
xNephilim 19
What kinda BS carrot cake do you make? In this case, there is a legit reason they call it CARROT cake. It's supposed to have carrots in it. Then again, why do I care, I can't stand carrot cake anyway.
downtime 13
Something tells me this is one of those language barrier situations. I have never heard of "coffee cake" that wasnt a cake that tastes like coffee - and you can't guarantee it won't have coffee in it... Perhaps your father in law didn't come from the same background as you and he took it to mean a coffee cake in its literal form...just a possibility.