Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML
Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML
Today, on my one day off from working in a bakery, my dad asked me to bake him a cake. I refused as I’m exhausted and didn’t want to bake. He then informed me it’s “not my choice” if I bake cakes or not, and if I want to keep living rent free in his house, I’ll “bake the fucking cake.” FML
Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML
Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML
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Top comments
GirlYouNasty 11
Just tell him it's decaf.
Batterypost 23
Actually, most hamburgers are 100% beef, while ham is pork. The more you know.
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Comments (169)
smitin 1
These comments are making me laugh uncontrollably, because saying all coffee cake has coffee in it is like saying all hamburger eater's put ketchup and mustard on it. Its a matter of personal background and personal prefrence.
stewpididiot 11
Bring him a sponge cake...
usor_name 11
Haha, I love your comment.
noisebox 1
Call him an idiot back, he s way to comfortable telling you that, he needs dome tension....
Calyx_fml 22
You might not want to tell him about all the pot in potatoes.
debins33 1
Haha well played
debins33 1
The word hamburger comes from Germany, no relation to ham.
stiegr 0
I have seen coffee cake being prepared before and there IS coffee in it...
SweetlyWyld 2
Actually, it can also be made with coffee flavoring, rather than actual coffee. My aunt makes it with some sort of extract or whatever.
SweetlyWyld 2
A class of cakes intended to be eaten alongside coffee (for example, as part of a breakfast meal) or that may be eaten during a "coffee break". Under this definition, a coffee cake does not necessarily contain coffee. They are typically single layer cakes that may be square or rectangular like a Stollen or loaf-shaped rectangular cakes, or they may be ring shaped. Coffee cakes may be flavored with cinnamon or other spices, seeds, nuts and fruits. These cakes sometimes have a crumbly or crumb topping called streusel and/or a light glaze drizzle. Some similarity to teacakes may be found, though teacakes are often smaller individual items served with tea. A cake, often sponge cake, which is made with coffee or has a coffee flavor.
stiegr 0
Coffee "flavoring" can still have caffeine. Google it
feranmi101 0
... Isn't coffee cake just cake you eat with coffee ?
SweetlyWyld 2
OMG I feel for you. My father-in-law is a complete douche and, I swear, if he had any brains he'd take them out and play with them -.- He knows everything about nothing and nothing about everything. What's worse, is he lives with my husband and me, lost his job back in November or December and hasn't helped with anything except raising the electric and food costs.
sarii 7
I learned that the hard way :(