Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML
Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I writhed in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet, that I'm embarrassing him. He also mentioned that jellyfish were out today and that I should be careful. Thanks, dad. FML
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Top comments
KatrinaKitten 16
You should have yanked him in the water and drowned him; Show him Shamu!
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
I like cupcakes.
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Comments (121)
Ann23 7
way to lower your self esteem, parents can be so messed up sometimes.
helloello 2
I guess, I just can't believe there's actually parents like this out there. This dad makes Peter Griffin look like Carl from family matters
hanzoo 0
pahahaa your dads a legend!
zojieeu 6
lol got to love your dp
OCDC 9
I love DP. You are talking about Dr. Pepper right?
MsSoulReaper 27
You're a main attraction. Awesome!
HSOMGF 5
Your dad is an asshole. Later in life, when he whines about what a shitty relationship he has with you, remind him of this comment.
saraheve1188 5
I'm thinking about how many people have no clue what Shamu is. um. yeah. interesting.
bubblekitty 1
booyah and that's a funny joke
thegr8destroyer 0
and you're an asshole! hahahaha!
bubblekitty 1
and so r u no one asked for your opinion
WordSmyth 2
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
LaughinStock 16
yet 133 the site ur usin is based on opinion 0.o
heddurhowza 1
SHAMUUUU!! The more Shamu's we have the merrier ;)
footballtracksta 0
it's parents like these... who need to think about what the **** they say to their children.
TheDrifter 24
Nah, he just needs to walk his land bound behemoth more often and stop feeding it so much or op is going to have a short, sedentary life.
TheDrifter 24
How did that end up here? Replied to wrong comment :(
DudeImBetter 0
and if someone kidnaps you they would be stealing the show.
Rosa_La_Hermosa 5
omg my dad is just like that
Rosa_La_Hermosa 5
Oh, shut it #115, using "omg" in a comment on a website does not mean I do not know how to spell. I'm sure you were referring to that, because your capitalization and punctuation was just as bad as mine was.