Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
Wait.. you spray perfume in your mouth?
Kgirl2cute 6
But why would you ever spray perfume directly at your mouth?
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Comments (58)
mangoqueen 8
My guess is she sprayed perfume in the air and walked through it.
jer862 3
Then that's not directly on it
charlieisawesome 4
That's how I do it
DocBastard 40
Here's a free tip - Don't let your dog watch any more mixed martial arts bouts. He may hit you with something even more devastating next time.
KiRaKaT 9
All I can imagine now is a dog dressed like hong kong phooey and doing a spinning kick....
Chill_Turtle95 3
LOL! That totally made my day.
VooDooCarrie91 19
Solution?: drink a gallon of lemonade and then put salt lipstick on. Problem solved
SqueakyChipmunk 22
While she's at it, she may as well walk down a boulevard of glass barefoot.
SystemofaBlink41 27
56- *shudders intensely* jesus man this is gonna give me nightmares...
theluckyones 10
72. Your name is amazing! And this thread gives me the Skeeves
FarSide 23
I guess it's lucky you didn't "unthinkingly" spray roach killer in your face.
zandalee 20
Is that what you did? Damn!
kayliers 5
Um... At least you smell good?
graffitied_love 20
Don't you hate it when you get hand sanitizer in an open wound? That would be more painful than the perfume, but why would you out germ-x on your mouth? Or maybe the better question is why perfume your mouth?
RealTalk0 7
Lol so you spray perfume directly onto your lip?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I might have sympathy if you didn't spray perfume into your mouth, period. They make perfume candy, if you want fruity breath all that bad. It's called something along the lines of "Violets" I think.
charlieisawesome 4
why does everyone think they sprayed perfume directly on their mouth?? It was obviously an accident... Unless their completely idiotic but I think not
theluckyones 10
I sometimes spray my hair with body spray and sometimes get the front of my face, not directly causing injury But its still possible that she did the same and is just exaggerating.
shireman97 6
Did he headbutt your eyes too so you can't see???
sarah6786 14
Improvising mouthwash? Whatever works I guess.