Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML
Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
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Top comments
TurtleSmile 14
That's too bad. Did you count all of them to make sure you didn't lose any?
deathpotato 11
A firm grip usually fixes that problem.
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Comments (188)
Pikachu17 13
Wow. What a horrible event in your life lol
colebe66 1
Smartass :)
MichellinMan 20
^ how?
Tiwuz 19
32 - It was sarcastic, is picking up 500 toothpicks twice really that bad compared to other FMLs?
subwaysurfers 13
Couldn't she just have collected them all with a broom which would be much faster and buy a brand new pack that is clean from floor germs?
TurtleSmile 14
That's too bad. Did you count all of them to make sure you didn't lose any?
Welshite 40
My apologies. I didn't see your post when I made my comment.
Delta2Almanac 7
that's an intense game of pick-up-sticks right there.
Inheritance 10
Did she pick them up one at a time? Because I neglect to see how it takes 20 minutes to pick them up if she did handfuls.
_Oblivion_ 12
lol new game called 500 pickup. Op seems to love it
onlychildFTW 34
Tooth picks are sharp too. Step on one and that will hurt for awhile. I think OP needs to was the butter of their hands before they attempt carrying them again. Haha.
Annis_x3 7
181- I don't know what kind of toothpicks you use, but the ones I'm used to (if dropped) would stay flat on the ground as opposed to sticking straight up.
deathpotato 11
A firm grip usually fixes that problem.
rsunshine2020 13
Oh and learning from your mistakes :)
77777771 12
Good POINT.
SuaSponte 1
Firmly grasp it in your hand. Firmly grasp it. FIRMLY GRASP IT!
BradenLock 4
What problem cannot be solved by a firm grasp?
pokefan813 16
Wouldn't she have like a thousand splinters from a firm grip?
DespairFaction 11
I prefer Kung fu grip to a firm grip.
gmc_blossom 21
50- I was thinking that exact same thing. xD
itsame0987 18
It's okay op, I always seem to get butter fingers when I'm tired. At least I haven't dropped anything valuable or breakable.
celine21_fml 0
Haha I love smart ass comments
deBlobX 12
50- SPONGEBOB (PATRICK) REFERENCES HOORAY
hipsterhunter 9
Took me a minute to figure out where that was from, and then I laughed out loud when I realised.
lonelytrevor 5
Well, can't use those ones.
blcksocks 19
Don't be too picky #4
12GaugeTurtle 1
Well I wouldn't pick the ones that got dirt on them.
supportcommand 17
105- how dirty is your floor that you wouldn't even consider using a toothpick ?
12GaugeTurtle 1
Call me a germophobic...
outoftown 27
#110, OP is way past the 5-second rule.
supportcommand 17
5 second rule is food. We're not eating the picks. Just picking food from teeth. If your a germaphobe then I get it. I just don't see it as a big deal. But if something is stuck on it then ya, I would throw it out too.
05PP1 17
You do realise that tampons come in a packets right? So all of them would be fine to use
05PP1 17
For some reason I thought the post was about tampons ignore me
cheetahbaby96 8
140- How do you derive tampons from toothpicks?
eXangelice 15
Also, why on earth would someone buy a 500-count pack of Tampons??
Sliver1991 26
Perhaps they were on sale. I'd guess you can save a few bucks if you buy in bulk.
Forlorn420 9
48 don't you mean don't be tooth picky
Ayla_Abriel 1
Omg. At least you won't drop them again!
Klefhomacked 11
How do you KNOW she won't drop them again? Hm.
Psych101 9
99- I thought your comment was kind of obvious, but then I imagined the person in your profile picture saying it. I laughed.
daytoday21 10
Give up.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Never gonna give you up!
MichellinMan 20
Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around, and desert you!
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
Did I just get Rick rolled on FML?
MichellinMan 20
^ indeed you did, sir.
gmc_blossom 21
Today, I got rickrolled on FML. FML.
williamcarter93 13
Those picks were meant for dropping, and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these picks are gonna drop all over you...
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
I wish FML would let me favourite specific comments.
eXangelice 15
Not only did this comment make me laugh out loud, it also made me start reading it to a specific tune, which made me want to move my body to the music in my head... Thanks for temporarily turning me into a psych patient.
Saryrr 3
I'm thinking of Shrek right now.
sens3sfailing 25
"I don't always comment on FML, but when I do, even Jesus laughs" -williamcarter93
kenbarbz72 0
Do you really need that many toothpicks though?
eggmarie 25
Maybe they're hosting a fancy party and wants to put little cheese cubes on them? There's tons of reasons to need that many toothpicks.
Bluekaren16 19
In that case it's pretty gross that she picked them up from the ground.
supportcommand 17
Usually toothpicks are bought in a large quantity. Doesn't take a big box to hold 500. But takes forever to pick them all up. really sucks op. bet you missed a few too. Don't worry though. You'll find them at 3 am while looking for a snack. Stuck in your foot.
ambylyn2010 3
Maybe she picked them up the first time to throw them away. Wouldn't just leave 500 toothpicks lying in the floor!!
gmc_blossom 21
One doesn't simply have too many toothpicks.
outoftown 27
Maybe OP is building a model ship with them.
Yorih 19
126 - does one complicatedly have too many toothpicks? ;)
alycion 39
I use them to test if certain foods are done, mainly baked goods. So of I'm doing a lot of baking I can go through that many pretty quickly. But like someone else already pointed out, that's kind of how they are sold. Not to mention they don't go bad. So it's not uncommon for someone to buy that many.
Welshite 40
Make sure you count every single one. Wouldn't want to miss one...
j_cat187 20
Comment moderated.
blahblahblah5_x 13
Once is bad, but twice? FEEL FOR YA bro
PipingMouse 14
Girl.