Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Uncomfortable
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
Power move
Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML
Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML
Thanks a bunch
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Mind melting
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Karma
Today, to get my coworker fired, I spiked his coffee with whiskey. Joke's on me, he's apparently enough of a drunk that it didn't affect him. Then I dropped the bottle as I was leaving for the day, cut up my ankle, and I'm now suspended. FML
Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML
You laugh, you lose
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Pranksters
Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML
Top comments
coming back in the future 30
He must be a football player.
pokemyeyes 23
Just dont touch anyone, jokingly or otherwise, theres no need. Having said that, he is indeed a psycho, FYL.
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Comments (69)
coming back in the future 30
He must be a football player.
lightningclicks 24
I was really confused by this comment until I realized that the rest of the world has a different word for soccer
Trin_Tran 26
#3, Well I mean technically it's Futbol
coming back in the future 30
Australia calls it both football and soccer, but the team is called the Socceroos.
Cbnotme 20
Or a Habs fan
DeadxManxWalking 27
Football, Futbol, Soccer
extrasnipes 22
@#3 unless number 1 is a rugby player then he means American football
mattyiscool123 26
Or more specifically, PK Subban
firefighter925 18
Soccer sucks anyways why watch it
rhyspiecesno8 18
Yes a constantly flowing game is much worse than your American football that pauses every fifteen seconds
vb68_fml 28
He means soccer
FitFriday 32
Or he might play basketball
pladimir_vutin 5
that's your opinion, I don't like it either, but it doesn't make it a fact
PackardBell_fml 19
or Sidney Crosby
Abidawe 15
Yes #20, the most popular sport in the entire world "sucks," 70% of the worlds population has it wrong, our mistake
arano 29
What a guy.
Bunnyluver 20
I see sarcasm is appreciated on this site either.
collinchildress 12
Ik this will get a lot of negative votes but he could be autistic
fakedsincerity 32
Probably an autistic person wouldn't want someone suspended over accidentally triggering their sensory issues. Sounds more like he's an asshole.
Advix 6
in what way could he be autistic, this just sounds like an ignorant assertion.
GGAllin1 8
Autistic people often have extreme fear of being touched by another person
collinchildress 12
Because autistic people don't like to be touched !
collinchildress 12
Idk if you were agreeing with me or not but that was the point I was trying to make. So thank you Ü
fakedsincerity 32
I was agreeing with you - you shouldn't touch someone because you don't know their condition/past/problems however I hope you wouldn't get someone suspended over an innocent mistake. (:
Advix 6
I know a few autistic people and one of of them dislikes physical contact, but he twitches, not soccer flops.
Advix 6
I agree you probably. shouldn't just touch people, bit saying "he might autistic" is stupid
pokemyeyes 23
Just dont touch anyone, jokingly or otherwise, theres no need. Having said that, he is indeed a psycho, FYL.
Xamry14 10
It's sad we live in a world where we have to be afraid of physically touching people.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#24 it is, because my cousin hates being touched. Because she was raped. 3 times.
fakedsincerity 32
Agree. If someone touches me when i don't expect it, it freaks me out because of past experiences and I'd rather no one did it ever however getting someone suspended over a friendly touch is such an asshole move. My thoughts go to your cousin #35. ):
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Thank you #38. It's a sad world we live in, honestly. It was her friends father's who did it two of the times. Really ****** up that you can't go to a friend's house and not be scared of their fathers. Really ****** up that we have to be scared of people touching us. I didn't mean to turn this into a thing about my cousin and rape, I just wanted to add input to the fact that yes, it's sad that we live in a world where you can't touch someone without being worried about how they might react.
hufflepuffle 13
Your username makes me question how sincere your comments are
fakedsincerity 32
I made this account in my emo phase and regret it every day. FML.
kbecks87 16
No, what's sad is people thinking it's okay to physically touch a relative stranger.
399 41
lol
worldclassrager 41
His acting must really be on point...unless his balance is that bad
sparkledoge 29
I don't know, when we were little my brother would jump on the floor or against walls as if i threw him there and start crying whenever i just touched him with the tip of my finger and it worked every time at school. Even though it was so fake it was ridiculous.
BlackHawkSavior 28
What if you're actually the hulk?
firefighter925 18
What if he's actually thor.
Bunnyluver 20
Deadpool is way hotter!
Zanquis 22
Just be lucky he is not Saitama (One Punch Man, for those who don't keep up to date)
dannidoll93 24
Did anyone else see what happened? Hopefully if you've been at the job a while your employers will take into account that nothing like this has ever happened before and that it's likely that the new guy overreacted. Sorry OP, I'm sure your job will be safe, it's not like the guy will have a bruise if you touched him lightly.
Queen_of_Night 20
That's the kind of shit my kid bro pulled. FYL man.
Isamermaid 17
Could be fibromyalgia or some kind of nerve damage/disorder. Look up allodynia. I hate when people pat me on the back or slap my leg for emphasis (during a joke or whatever). Usually it's not "fall on the ground in pain"-bad, but some days it could be. So generally just don't touch people unless you're pretty aquainted with them. Hopefully you get out of trouble.
jen1097 25
But if it was a condition like that, why would he allow him to get suspended?
Isamermaid 17
Yep. I don't know. Because he's an a-hole.
Naatya__fml 25
I saw a lot of comments saying that but we don't know. Maybe he will explain what happened and OP won't be suspended, in 300 words, we can't know
iateapenguin 27
I was going to make a comment like this. A friend of mine has fibromyalgia and some days are such a struggle. However, even if he does have something like that, he must also be a bit of a ******** if he allowed OP to get suspended.
KryssLB 14
If someone poked me in my right shoulder, I'd be more or less okay. If someone poked me in my left shoulder, I'd be in agony for the rest of the day and likely on pain killers for another couple. Six years ago I fell on the ice and slightly reseated my collar bone. Haven't had a pain-free day since, although at least I've been off the long-term pain killers for about a year now. No, there's nothing that can be done; yes, I have seen specialists. Several. In several fields. And done my own research into it. Don't go touching and poking at people you aren't on fairly intimate terms with. Not only is it rude, you don't know what health issues they may have that you might aggravate. Is getting the OP suspended an over-reaction? I have no idea; I don't know the culture at their work and it wasn't my shoulder they poked. But potentially not. Hopefully one wouldn't kick the legs out from under someone on crutches; if one did one might expect to get suspended. Depending on the coworker's health issue, even without visible external support required, it might be seen in a similar light.
Fsvb 32
Imo you should warn people not to touch you in ANY way when this could be a problem for you. No need to get all personal about it if you dont want to, but just tell them you cannot or do not want to be touched.
ladyLALAA 29
Maybe he wants your job and is trying to make you look bad?