Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML
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Top comments
loganHchrist 9
Parents are meant to be parents, not friends.
CerSpence 11
You sound super lucky.... BAZINGA!
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Comments (109)
Smeedz 8
Don't shun your dad out. He just wants to spend more time with you. Be lucky he's not one of those dad's that spends your college find on a motorcycle.
by4x4 4
Just be glad you have a father that cares
FMLcommenterer 13
Bitch, don't kill his vibe.
Cuppycake1 6
Well yolo right...
8born8 18
So your dad has turned into Phil Dumfy from modern family?
kimco26 12
"hi hungry, I'm dad"
imbedderdenu 23
hey he does it cuz he loves ya! It may be cheesy and annoying ;) BUT at least he's trying :) Turn it around on him look up the "slang" from his time use it on him ; )
worldclassrager 41
Hope the crisis ends soon...
Walk1ng_Trav3sty 8
Bazinga!
whitappleseed 4
My dad is the superintendent at my high school and he does that every item he sees me in the hallway. It's embarrassing as ****.
vencku 13
My uncle taught at my high school. In the first class I had by him, he told everyone we were related and dug up childhood stories. It was known before he announced it (I didn't hide it so we greeted each other and my mom sometimes asked me to pass messages), but he emphasised it so much. Not funny.