Noise annoys

ew.

And you wait until you smell me cooking the baby.

who are you? Casey anthony?

try not to step in any wet spots on the floor,

people do actually eat the placentas. just saying.

God dammit. Last time I said "her" name my comment got moderated and I got banned...

ok that's nasty I can see eating a banana In In one bite but not a placenta

Start smoking.... that'll show em!

go down there and help them! be a good semeritan!

that's even grosser u freak baby killer

WTF THEY DON'T EAT IT THEY THROW IT AWAY U FREAK TARD!

actually some people do eat them. gross but true.

#102 ... Are you retarded?

I think she is

106, lmfaooooo win

My grandma always talks about how her friend did that. *shudder* it seems like cannibalism.

I agree with GoneClubbin!!!!!!!!!!!!

102, fake pictures are awesome.. On myspace. Please go there and never come back to FML again. As you would say it, kThXbAii:-))))

134- What the hell is myspace?

haha I bet you're not going to want to get laid anytime soon

yeah supposedly it helps with weight loss

Eh actually the placenta is rich of nutrients that keeps hormones out of wack and decreases the chances of depression after birth, hence why people eat em. There are actually cook books for them lol.. bio class @_@

@76 and uh, what does eating a banana in one bite have to do with anything...

couple: I can see the head me: I'll show you my other head if you don't shut up

I like how u say be a good semaritan when your screen name is whybother8

Them: *scream* You : 'Hello, 911? Yes, I think my neighbors are killing eachother, the woman is screaming in pain...' Then wait for the cops to kick the door in, while you sit back and laugh.

Nasty ish right thurr.

128 home births are really a bad idea because of the comments listed above some hospitals do have rooms where you can do the whole home birthing thing but a midwife monitors you and the baby so you don't have serious complications

134- You're kind of awesome.

I know the wiccan religion actually does that. Probably not something to joke about...they might put a spell on you. Lol

Actually, home births are only a bad idea if the mother is high risk. For women who are low risk, home births are perfectly ok. Before hospitals, women were having home births all of the time.

Many people with dehydrate the placenta and encapsulate them so mothers can take their placentas in pill form. It helps with post-partum depression, OCD, and many other things. It also enriches the breast milk and has even helped stop post birth bleeding.

You mean congratulating?

I think giving birth at home is a great idea because the on-your-back position is the worst position to give birth in because it causes the most pain and is the most difficult. Not to mention, the only reason why doctors tell you to push is because they have to be somewhere else. You shouldn't push until you're blue in the face. You shouldn't be on your back and then you should let gravity take its course...

I saw that documentary too.

128, giving birth at home is a GREAT idea, especially when there is a nice big shoulder dystocia, tight nuchal cords, post partum hemorrhages and fetal respiratory distress. It seems perfectly reasonable to just let whatever happens happen. maybe you would enjoy a nice big seizure as well? Sign me up!!

It's not freaky at all - it's only in the last few decades that most people in the "civilised" world have tried to give birth lying down in a hospital bed. The only advantage of that is for the doctor rather than for the mother. My wife gave birth to our first daughter in our living room (sitting on my lap). The midwife commented on how good a way it was to open the pelvis and she needed only gas & air and no stitches after. Second daughter was born in even more casual fashion, again at home with only a touch of gas. We actually went in to the ward to get her checked out & then went home again for the birth! Why add the stress of a hospital ward and unfamiliar surroundings. So long as you are within a mad-dash for the hospital in the event of an emergency (which is much less common at home anyway) then it can only be a good thing.

cool story bro...

Agreed, if more people start doing research before the birth of their child. They will find that a homebirth is not to so freaky or outrageous. Women have been giving birth for several thousand years. The practice of having a doctor in attendance is approximately 100 years. Why do you need a Surgeon to do something that your body knows how to do?

I agree with you, but to be fair women have been dying in child-birth for a long time too! The thing is that these days you can have a very good idea of whether the baby is lying as it should be and can have expert midwives on hand to help. Any complications and you can be in hospital by the time they have prep'ed a theatre for you anyway.

seriously? none of you caught the joke? reread it please

There in lays the solution. Sadly there have been cases where the Hospitals have given issues to a family coming in to the Hospital with an emergency birth or issue with the birth and the reception has been less then friendly. As the Hospital treats the home birthers as some sort of fringe (Crunchy-New Age-Granola chewing) nuts and it serves them right that they had an issue with their birth.

OK - I took that to be a typo rather than a lame joke! My fault there.

38 - where we were (Hertfordshire, UK) the home birth thing was all planned in coordination with the hospital and the midwives. We knew who would be coming for the birth and where we would go if there was an issue. They coordinated with the hospital so that we were "on the books" in the event of an emergency. It just happened that they were very pro-home birth where we were and had it all sussed out. We are by no means new-age nuts, both being science PhDs.

lol @ 24

what if the father helping with the home birth was a doctor anyway? that's a win for them in that case.

Guess what, people do this quite often

There are lots of things that can go wrong during this process. It's true that throughout the history, humans gave birth in every place but in a hospital. However, it's true as well that the child mortality was very high compare to now. Only in the last month, two people I know personally have their babies in the ICU. Years ago these babies would't have survived. I got the joke and I lost 2 pounds typing all this crap on IPhone.

Yeah this was a joke not a typo.

To #21 and 25, tl;dr

108- ikr I have no idea how these guys have the time or the will power to type these long things... or maybe they are on computers and type fast... idk but we dont need to know your life story.. no offense ??°°?(?_?)?°°??

Lalalady, there is a reason why in developed countries, only a very small % of people give birth at home. Saying, it's not risky at all, makes me just to say Wow. No further comment.

yes, the child mortality used to be high, but now there are experienced midwives that have gone to college, classes to prepare for birth, new techniques..... So many improvements in home birhs that you cannot compare homebirhing now to it 100 years ago !

@108 Too long;dumbass reader? makes sense.

if u read this comment correctly he was making a joke...dumbasses

my mom gave birth tk my sister and i at home. no doctor, no meds. it was a natural water birth.

I'm sorry, I don't need a whole lecture on which method proves better or worse, I come on FML for the laughs. And since most of these comments on #3's humorous reply aren't exactly laugh out loud material, well of course I won't read it

I birthed a bike before...and almost birthed a shed...but in a bad storm the shed collapsed and killed my bike...now FML is all I have left :-P

deaths in the middle ages after childbirth were quite often due to infection from things Like midwife wiping her ass, not cleaning her hands then sticking her hand up a Womans twat to check for baby's head. malnutrition, exhaustion etc etc

155 no one is forcing you to read this..if it's not making you laugh move to the next comment...some people are talking about these methods because it is interesting to them..if it's not interesting to you, don't tell us that because we don't care!

@155 i dont remember it saying we needed to type comments to please your stupid ass in the T&C's. if you dont like whats being discussed, feel free to go **** yourself.

to give me an epidural

you see these people are what we call "tools" they have no clue when to shut up and thought they should "enlighten" us with their home birth facts, when, in reality nobody gives a crap and it was all a joke anyway.

yeah you show em Nicki minaj!

I totally agree! Also, don't forget to forgo your prenatal care, immunizations for the baby, and anything else you feel would be better, since your body can do it all!! It seems so strange that I have seen so many emergencies stopped from becoming tragic outcomes by medical intervention. But doctors, nurses and other medical professionals are just nonsensical!! Let's all go out and "let our bodies take care of it"!!!! certainly this would help with overpopulation. have at it!!!

Lol

I don't think he was referring o giving birth at home, but rather giving birth to a house

4- lolwut

That's very unkind to give birth in apartment/townhouse/cardboard Box without any warning I would call the cops for the loud noises when I'm trying to sleep. I don't give a **** where u give birth just don't Bother me about it. that's why the OP complained. I would actually smoke alot of shit and cause fires and bang on the floors.

Good theory! Haha

are you sure she giving a birth.??

considering how long labour can be I'd say that if they're not having a baby then he must have the stamina of a BOSS!

lol your pic goes exactly with the topic! haha plus it's cute! :)

oh yeah I just noticed it does haha! and thank u! :)

this FML made me lol

they're 'trying' home birth? does that mean it didn't work?

What song is that!?

Lol jenna marbles...

JENNA MARBLES FTWWWWW

Who ******* listens to Ke$ha? You can't even pronounce the ******* dollar sign!! What, is it Ke-dollar-ha? She ******* sucks at singing. Autotone is all she uses. Grow up and listen to real music like Rock.

omg!!! ikr!!! jenna marbles is AWESOME!!!!

It's funny because #150 totally doesn't get the joke.

Indeed

angry much? why weren't you modded? you totally brought down my vibe.... ): I thought the FML was funny that comment was too rude...

Kesha is such a slutty douche. i hate her!

I

...and some brain cells.

Yeah, covering your ears suffocates your brain! Don't do it! just stick to the head-smashing to be safe. If you're doing it hard enough the sound should muffle out the birthing anyways.

lol I said that except I said that earplugs would block out the sound. but my comment got erased xD

please refrain from hitting any body parts against the wall, as it may cause damage to the wall. if you find you must strike any body part to a wall brick is the suggested surface if choice (for greater impact)

Yes. It will replace it successfully by a malignant headache.